This is the equivalent of swirling a finger in your ass. Hotness.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/56c2d6a703
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Gobble Gobble
What a whirlwind week! My weave is totally wacked right now but let me try to recap.
Monday, I had a delightful dinner with Ms. Kelly at Barbounia. Holla at some lovely fried cheese! I really do love fried cheese because it matches my thighs. So cute. Afterwards, we rolled over to the Gramercy Park Hotel for a cocktail before calling it a night.
Tuesday, I was in DUMBO all day for work. No details to be reveal of what went down, but at the end of the night, Ms. Wycelf sang "No Woman No Cry", talked some shit about Ms. Lauren Hill, and we danced the night away.
Wednesday, I hopped on my flight to London and it was celeb heaven. In the lounge at JFK, I spotted Channing Tatum. I wanted to commend him on his Oscar worthy role in "She's the Man", but alas, I was too embarrassed to approach the Z-lister. Common was floating around the dining area, chatting on his cellie. Kanye's management was also there munching away and it wasn't until I boarded the plane that I spotted Kanye...2 seats over from me. I rudely was reading my US Weekly (with him and his mother on the cover...oops) before I realized my blunder and put that shit away.
Thursday, I arrived at Heathrow looking like a total hot mess so I had to head straight to Ms. Sara's in Islington for some serious beautifying. That evening, I met up with Ms. Cora and her manz and Ms. Sam for some heavy drinking at The Builders Arms in Kensington. Holla at cozy pubs with cozy beverages! We then rolled over to Cafe Rouge for some chain French fare to celebrate the slaughter of Indians (Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving) before hitting one more bar in Notting Hill before bed. How were all your Thanksgivings? Did you stuff your face with a bunch of cock...I mean turkey? How fowl.
Friday, I worked my weave on Oxford Street like a hooker in heels. Shopping is not only therapeutic, it's also cardio! Gosh I'm just so damn skinny now. That evening, after a romantic dinner at Thai Square where Ms. Sara's mouth was indeed en fuego (that's hot), we met Ms. Sam and her friend and Ms. Lucy with her Mr. Peter at The Winchester for some adult activities i.e. binge drinking. Unfortunately, the basement "night club" smelled like a giant asshole roast so we zipped down Essex Street to The Embassy to cap the evening off properly. We headed back to Sara's and had a midnight singalong with Ms. Michaela. Loves.
Saturday, Ms. Sara, Mr. Scott, Ms. Morgan, and I had a lovely dinner at the uber trendy Vanilla. It's very chic and modern, quite resembling The Mondrian in LA...except replacing the LA douchebags with London's finest vajayjay washes. The meal was quite tasty although a group of loud Brits celebrating some one's 40 year old twat across the way was a bit of a distraction, especially when they started to play Suck and Blow. Yes, that's right...40 year olds playing an adolescent game made famous from Clueless. Ricockulous.
Sunday, we lazed about, had a quick meal at Yo Sushi, then saw The Darjeeling Limited. It was very typical Wes Anderson, a little slow, but entertaining enough.
This morning, my weave was up VERY early and I was at Heathrow and on my way home before I knew it. Bless the First Class situation or else I'd be an even hotter mess than I already am.
Monday, I had a delightful dinner with Ms. Kelly at Barbounia. Holla at some lovely fried cheese! I really do love fried cheese because it matches my thighs. So cute. Afterwards, we rolled over to the Gramercy Park Hotel for a cocktail before calling it a night.
Tuesday, I was in DUMBO all day for work. No details to be reveal of what went down, but at the end of the night, Ms. Wycelf sang "No Woman No Cry", talked some shit about Ms. Lauren Hill, and we danced the night away.
Wednesday, I hopped on my flight to London and it was celeb heaven. In the lounge at JFK, I spotted Channing Tatum. I wanted to commend him on his Oscar worthy role in "She's the Man", but alas, I was too embarrassed to approach the Z-lister. Common was floating around the dining area, chatting on his cellie. Kanye's management was also there munching away and it wasn't until I boarded the plane that I spotted Kanye...2 seats over from me. I rudely was reading my US Weekly (with him and his mother on the cover...oops) before I realized my blunder and put that shit away.
Thursday, I arrived at Heathrow looking like a total hot mess so I had to head straight to Ms. Sara's in Islington for some serious beautifying. That evening, I met up with Ms. Cora and her manz and Ms. Sam for some heavy drinking at The Builders Arms in Kensington. Holla at cozy pubs with cozy beverages! We then rolled over to Cafe Rouge for some chain French fare to celebrate the slaughter of Indians (Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving) before hitting one more bar in Notting Hill before bed. How were all your Thanksgivings? Did you stuff your face with a bunch of cock...I mean turkey? How fowl.
Friday, I worked my weave on Oxford Street like a hooker in heels. Shopping is not only therapeutic, it's also cardio! Gosh I'm just so damn skinny now. That evening, after a romantic dinner at Thai Square where Ms. Sara's mouth was indeed en fuego (that's hot), we met Ms. Sam and her friend and Ms. Lucy with her Mr. Peter at The Winchester for some adult activities i.e. binge drinking. Unfortunately, the basement "night club" smelled like a giant asshole roast so we zipped down Essex Street to The Embassy to cap the evening off properly. We headed back to Sara's and had a midnight singalong with Ms. Michaela. Loves.
Saturday, Ms. Sara, Mr. Scott, Ms. Morgan, and I had a lovely dinner at the uber trendy Vanilla. It's very chic and modern, quite resembling The Mondrian in LA...except replacing the LA douchebags with London's finest vajayjay washes. The meal was quite tasty although a group of loud Brits celebrating some one's 40 year old twat across the way was a bit of a distraction, especially when they started to play Suck and Blow. Yes, that's right...40 year olds playing an adolescent game made famous from Clueless. Ricockulous.
Sunday, we lazed about, had a quick meal at Yo Sushi, then saw The Darjeeling Limited. It was very typical Wes Anderson, a little slow, but entertaining enough.
This morning, my weave was up VERY early and I was at Heathrow and on my way home before I knew it. Bless the First Class situation or else I'd be an even hotter mess than I already am.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
American Music Awards
What a gorgeous mess! This show was so divine and something the VMA's could never be...it was actually watchable!
Where should we begin? There were several amazing stand out performances done by our divas. The Rihanna / Ne-Yo duet was sensational. Ms. Carter (Oh no I didn't!) looked stunning and sounded pitch perfect. And what about her rival Ms. Beyonce singing with Sugarland? I don't know who that front-trannie of Sugarland is, but she sure is twangy...and tangy! It was a lovely twist on a contemporary classic. Ms. Celine also turned it out in the only way that French Canadian crazy ass knows how...as a spectacle! So much chest thumping and arm raising! Screw Pilates! Do the Celine! Because she's the greatest singah in zee wurrrrl!
And Ms. Alicia? Her reggae inspired interpretation of her new hot single "No One" got my weave in a frenzy! We also have to give some props to the Queen of Soul...Ms. Mary! The poppy single "So Fine" was lovely and she worked it!
Oh and a big shout out to Ms. Chris Brown. He sure can dance like he's got crabs in his pants. Well...
And now...on to the shit talking...
What was up with that set? Is it 1984? That hot mess was speckled with bad taste.
It also seemed to be the night of wacky weaves. You know who I'm talking about! Remember back in elementary school when on a random Friday, it would be Crazy Hat Day? Well, tonight must have been Crazy-Ass-Wack-Ass-Yo-It-Looks-Like-Ass-Weave Day! Ms. Alicia???!! What's happening with that crazy front braid? Maybe it's Backwards Day! It was a complete distraction from her otherwise flawless performance. And Ms. Mary was rockin some short blond weave. It was short and sassy but something was a bit off. And Ms. Queen "I don't eat pussy THAT MUCH" Latifah also rocked some blond Jennifer Aniston circa 1996 Friends haircut weave. Did these ladies consult the hairdresser of Las Vegas? That would explain so much. Overheard backstage was "Well, you see, I got my weave done by the same queen who does Siegfried and Roy's weaves..."
Overall, the show was good although Ms. Jimmy Kimmel was a bit boring. So much of his banter was overly contrived and forced. I did, however, enjoy his closing statement: "And thanks to the Promises Rehab Center for getting so many of our stars out in time for the show". Loves!
Where should we begin? There were several amazing stand out performances done by our divas. The Rihanna / Ne-Yo duet was sensational. Ms. Carter (Oh no I didn't!) looked stunning and sounded pitch perfect. And what about her rival Ms. Beyonce singing with Sugarland? I don't know who that front-trannie of Sugarland is, but she sure is twangy...and tangy! It was a lovely twist on a contemporary classic. Ms. Celine also turned it out in the only way that French Canadian crazy ass knows how...as a spectacle! So much chest thumping and arm raising! Screw Pilates! Do the Celine! Because she's the greatest singah in zee wurrrrl!
And Ms. Alicia? Her reggae inspired interpretation of her new hot single "No One" got my weave in a frenzy! We also have to give some props to the Queen of Soul...Ms. Mary! The poppy single "So Fine" was lovely and she worked it!
Oh and a big shout out to Ms. Chris Brown. He sure can dance like he's got crabs in his pants. Well...
And now...on to the shit talking...
What was up with that set? Is it 1984? That hot mess was speckled with bad taste.
It also seemed to be the night of wacky weaves. You know who I'm talking about! Remember back in elementary school when on a random Friday, it would be Crazy Hat Day? Well, tonight must have been Crazy-Ass-Wack-Ass-Yo-It-Looks-Like-Ass-Weave Day! Ms. Alicia???!! What's happening with that crazy front braid? Maybe it's Backwards Day! It was a complete distraction from her otherwise flawless performance. And Ms. Mary was rockin some short blond weave. It was short and sassy but something was a bit off. And Ms. Queen "I don't eat pussy THAT MUCH" Latifah also rocked some blond Jennifer Aniston circa 1996 Friends haircut weave. Did these ladies consult the hairdresser of Las Vegas? That would explain so much. Overheard backstage was "Well, you see, I got my weave done by the same queen who does Siegfried and Roy's weaves..."
Overall, the show was good although Ms. Jimmy Kimmel was a bit boring. So much of his banter was overly contrived and forced. I did, however, enjoy his closing statement: "And thanks to the Promises Rehab Center for getting so many of our stars out in time for the show". Loves!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Project Runway
Did all you peeps watch the season premiere of Project Runway last night? Apparently the show is being sponsored by K-Y Jelly and should be renamed Project Anal Leakage...because it was the gayest show ever! The guys from Queer Eye are beaver sniffin in comparison. And honey, it was heaven! Let's first discuss Ms. Tim Gunn. At the opening introduction in Bryant Park, Ms. Old Lady was lookin a hot mess! His makeup was running, he was sweaty, his head was getting sun burnt...Maybe he should revisit his Guide to Style and do some self help work. Veronica Webb would have a field day with him.
Ms. Heidi looked amazing per usual and was completely over the top. There's nothing more to say about her - xoxo gossip girl. And how about this cast of zany characters? Everyone is a total wack job with matching wack weaves...and it's lovely. I think all their designs last night were pretty mediocre. Your thoughts?
Ms. Heidi looked amazing per usual and was completely over the top. There's nothing more to say about her - xoxo gossip girl. And how about this cast of zany characters? Everyone is a total wack job with matching wack weaves...and it's lovely. I think all their designs last night were pretty mediocre. Your thoughts?
Schmooze and Booze 2007
Well, I am officially an older weave than the year before. My birthday came and went on Tuesday like a hot flash in my menopausal life. Is it hot in here? No, it's my hormones going crazy. That's hot.
I had a lovely dinner at Koi with the ladies then headed to the subterranean Cellar Bar for my bash. Thanks to all you lovely, gorgeous people who came to schmooze and booze with the finest New York City has to offer. You were all dressed magnificently and it's much appreciated!
I had a lovely dinner at Koi with the ladies then headed to the subterranean Cellar Bar for my bash. Thanks to all you lovely, gorgeous people who came to schmooze and booze with the finest New York City has to offer. You were all dressed magnificently and it's much appreciated!
Hungry like the wolf
Monday night, Ms. Karen and I had a tasty dinner at Ruby Foo's before we headed to Roseland for the main event. Because of the Broadway stagehand strike, Duran Duran's Broadway stint was moved to stinky Roseland Ballroom but the show was still wonderful. That Simon LeBon can still high kick like a Rockette in heat! Work it! John Taylor looked a bit frail and pale, but he sure can still work a bass. And Ms. Nick Rhodes...well...homegirl should wear less makeup. He looks a bit like Patty Chase from My So-Called Life.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Thursday night was a delightful evening at MTVU's Woodie Awards. Ms. Ethrina and I had a tasty dinner at Saigon 48, where Ms. Christine met us, then we rolled to Roseland for the big event. Loads of indieness and endless Grey Goose sodas had this weave dancing in circles. After the show, we hopped to the after party at Spotlight Live and danced the night away. I had the misfortune of tripping over someone's misplaced bag on the floor and landed directly on my knees (Insert your own pervy joke here). I was a bit sore (Insert your second pervy joke here) and in the morning, looked down, and my entire right knee was black and blue. SO Nancy Kerrigan chic! Give me the silver, honey!
Saturday, I had a gorgeous dinner at Japonais with Ms. Mercedes then zipped up to Ms. Berna's apartment for her soiree. Party on, ladies! 100 glasses of white wine later and I was groovin the night away. Loves!
Saturday, I had a gorgeous dinner at Japonais with Ms. Mercedes then zipped up to Ms. Berna's apartment for her soiree. Party on, ladies! 100 glasses of white wine later and I was groovin the night away. Loves!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Wanna hump?
Don't you love the Hump? Let's hump! It's hump day! We're half way there! Ummm...
Monday night, I had a tasty dinner with Ms. Kelly at Blue Fin before going home and accidentally passing out until 12:30AM. This daylight savings business has really got my weave up in knots and I have no damn clue what's happening. Last night, I went to scout a venue for my imminent Schmooze and Booze event next week. The ladies accompanied me to the Cellar Bar and it was perfection. Holla at some banker boys and cute fashion girls. Loves it. Then we zipped downtown for a dinner at Los Dos Molinos before I went home to devour another episode of My So-Called Life, recently out on box set. Heaven!
Monday night, I had a tasty dinner with Ms. Kelly at Blue Fin before going home and accidentally passing out until 12:30AM. This daylight savings business has really got my weave up in knots and I have no damn clue what's happening. Last night, I went to scout a venue for my imminent Schmooze and Booze event next week. The ladies accompanied me to the Cellar Bar and it was perfection. Holla at some banker boys and cute fashion girls. Loves it. Then we zipped downtown for a dinner at Los Dos Molinos before I went home to devour another episode of My So-Called Life, recently out on box set. Heaven!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Lately, my weave has been working harder than a tranny hooker's man made vajayjay in New Jersey. And I'm tired and sore! Let's see...Ms. Nicola and I had a superb power lunch at Koi on Thursday where we worked our hair pieces over some raw fish finery. Friday, I had a work lunch at Landmarc at the Time Warner Center where our waiter somewhat resembled some blond douchebag from The Real World...or Road Rules...or some fucking Gauntlet. I can't remember. I had the displeasure of working all damn weekend so you can only imagine how raggedly I look at this point. The one glimmer of loveliness was a tasty dinner with Ms. Grace at Bar Martignetti in Nolita on Saturday. Afterwards, we strolled over to Gatsby's for Ms. Jessica's birthday celebration. Happy birthday, girlfriend! The music was poppin with all our favorite Top 40 hits and we paid proper homage.
And now it's Monday.
And now it's Monday.
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