What?!?! They kicked off Mis Gina Glockson?!?! No, I was not a huge fan of hers, but she certainly didn't deserve to get nailed in the ass before such talentless scum such as Sanjaya and Hayley. Speaking on that troll, Hayley, she's probably got some Ben Gay on her lips and an ice pack between her legs to mellow the swelling from banging American men for votes. I suppose the same can be said for Sanjaya.
I love that my girls LaKisha and Melinda were in the top two. Big ups ladies! But what in the heezy for skeezy was blimpy ass Jordin Sparks doing there to ruin my trifecta?!?! I say toss out Jordin and replace her with Chris Richardson. Now that's a threesome I want to see! Stick it in!
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Healthy Living
Have you ever eaten a Kashi product? I usually associate their food with something you might find in a trough for horses. Health food, in general, scares me. If I wanted to eat healthy, I'd blow a vegetarian!
So in some cracked out whim, I bought these Oatmeal Raisin Flax cookies from Kashi and they're actually not that horrendous. Now I know you health nuts are saying, "Girl, Kashi ain't health food"...but for someone who considers Stouffers' Macaroni and Cheese "a well balanced meal" (Yes, I can be SUCH yellow trash sometimes), eating Kashi is the equivalent of me going outside and grazing on some lawn (if there was any in Manhattan).
So if you're looking for a tasty treat, I recommend it...although now my body is in total shock of this flax situation and it may end up as a long night on the toilet. Oh the joys of healthy living!
So in some cracked out whim, I bought these Oatmeal Raisin Flax cookies from Kashi and they're actually not that horrendous. Now I know you health nuts are saying, "Girl, Kashi ain't health food"...but for someone who considers Stouffers' Macaroni and Cheese "a well balanced meal" (Yes, I can be SUCH yellow trash sometimes), eating Kashi is the equivalent of me going outside and grazing on some lawn (if there was any in Manhattan).
So if you're looking for a tasty treat, I recommend it...although now my body is in total shock of this flax situation and it may end up as a long night on the toilet. Oh the joys of healthy living!
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
The Agency Season Finale
Well, what a disappointing ending to this show.
How could they fire Becky? She was the light of my life! And rather, they kept Pink around? Isn't it amazing how the world's most hideous people work in the behind the scenes of the modelling business? What do they know about beauty? Pink is only an expert on Twinkies and pedophilia! Not beauty! And Sean, the president? There are fewer potholes in the streets of NYC than his face!
If it wasn't for the loveliness and witty banter of Becky, this show would be much better viewed on mute. Hot models stripping down for that tranny to take pictures of! What's her name? Lola? She looks like a busted version of Virginia Madsen, and honey, that's hard to accomplish.
And what exactly happened to Mark Vanderloo? Once a hot male model...now a bloated version of his former self. So sad!
How could they fire Becky? She was the light of my life! And rather, they kept Pink around? Isn't it amazing how the world's most hideous people work in the behind the scenes of the modelling business? What do they know about beauty? Pink is only an expert on Twinkies and pedophilia! Not beauty! And Sean, the president? There are fewer potholes in the streets of NYC than his face!
If it wasn't for the loveliness and witty banter of Becky, this show would be much better viewed on mute. Hot models stripping down for that tranny to take pictures of! What's her name? Lola? She looks like a busted version of Virginia Madsen, and honey, that's hard to accomplish.
And what exactly happened to Mark Vanderloo? Once a hot male model...now a bloated version of his former self. So sad!
American Idol Recap
Again, Tony Bennett? Was Deepak Chopra not available? Oh the nostalgia factor...makes me want to rub myself clean with some Ben Gay! And could he look anymore haggard? Get a brush man! Get some frizz control! Did you leave it in San Francisco? Go get it Toni Tone!
Blake Lewis: I don't like you! Jesus, he is SO cheesy. In fact, if you punch him in the gut, Velveeta squirts out of his ass. Thank goodness he didn't beatbox this situation. Listen you frosted tippy mess...you should invest in some good luggage cause honey, you're going home! Maybe you should move to Wisconsin with the other cheese heads!
Phil Stacey: John Waters lookalike sang "Night and Day". I actually will admit that I didn't HATE this performance. He seems like the kind of troll you would see playing piano at Nordstroms in a mall somewhere. Although the judges weren't fans, I'm ok with him this week. He may have to dry off his sweaty bald head though. You're starting to look like Whitney after a bad night! Sweaty cokehead!
Melinda Doolittle: My love sang "I've Got Rhythm" and...rhythm is gonna get ya! Girlfriend rocked her weave this week! The dress was a bit ill fitting, but her voice was gorgeous! And break out the sassy dance moves! And the big finish? Love it! Such an amazing talent. I'm creaming my panties for you girl! Do the DOO!
Chris Richardson: Dust bin, I mean Justin, I mean Chris, sang some shit that's pretty forgettable. Like I said last week, I'm not completely hating on him, but bread basket is such a bootleg version of JT! From the style to the voice to the penis in his mouth! The loose suspenders though? Are they the new male stirrups? Spread em honey!
Jordin Sparks: Frizz Unease sang "On a Clear Day". Did she just call it a "cute song" in front of Toni Tone? And what's with the outfit? Did you get dressed on a dark night? I'm not feeling this. And with the bad jewelry and fat face? Take your underaged ass home! And find a stair climber!
PS: How high is Paula? She didn't just sniff the glue...she injected it! She's blabbing on and on and is completely nonsensical.
Gina Glockson: Weave-Be-Gone sang "Smile". That hairdo made me frown, ho! What's the odd combination of bad weaves, braids and extensions, crusty red pieces, and horrifying makeup and dirty laundry? Besides her trainwreck appearance, I actually didn't mind her performance. It wasn't AMAZING, but certainly not as horrible as usual. Not a winner, but not a loser this week!
Sanjaya Malakar: The Indian John Travolta (come out, girl!) sang...something. I have no idea what. I was horrified by his slick backed weave and Saturday Night Fever frock. He's Z-snapped something about "dancing cheek to cheek"...and now dancing with America's favorite drug addict, Paula (besides Lindsay Lohan, Britney, the Cast of the OC, well, the list goes on and on...)! He's such an odd lady, isn't he? He's like the new William Hung meets Scissor Sisters meets a Cirque de Soleil clown. I'm entertained that he's still in this competition, but in the same fashion as when I take a really big poop and wonder, "How'd I do that?".
Hayley Scarnato: Helen Keller sang some hot mess. Where do we begin? She looks like a two bit hooker trolling for dick in the Meatpacking District! That dress! Those acrylic nails! That makeup! The only thing to complete the outfit is a big cum stain on that nasty face of hers! And the singing? I'd rather hear Tony Bennett having sex with KD Lang! This talentless beast is the next to go home.
LaKisha Jones: Miss Thang sang something so delicious...I'd eat it twice! Didn't her weave look fabulous tonight? Loved it! I would maybe think twice on the dress...the ta-ta's were out to smack some ass, but I'm loving her! I can't wait to see her and Melinda go head to head in the finale!
I'd like to give a special shoutout to my girls Sher-Weavy and E-Weavy. We're forming a new group called The Weave Sisters...so watch out America!
Blake Lewis: I don't like you! Jesus, he is SO cheesy. In fact, if you punch him in the gut, Velveeta squirts out of his ass. Thank goodness he didn't beatbox this situation. Listen you frosted tippy mess...you should invest in some good luggage cause honey, you're going home! Maybe you should move to Wisconsin with the other cheese heads!
Phil Stacey: John Waters lookalike sang "Night and Day". I actually will admit that I didn't HATE this performance. He seems like the kind of troll you would see playing piano at Nordstroms in a mall somewhere. Although the judges weren't fans, I'm ok with him this week. He may have to dry off his sweaty bald head though. You're starting to look like Whitney after a bad night! Sweaty cokehead!
Melinda Doolittle: My love sang "I've Got Rhythm" and...rhythm is gonna get ya! Girlfriend rocked her weave this week! The dress was a bit ill fitting, but her voice was gorgeous! And break out the sassy dance moves! And the big finish? Love it! Such an amazing talent. I'm creaming my panties for you girl! Do the DOO!
Chris Richardson: Dust bin, I mean Justin, I mean Chris, sang some shit that's pretty forgettable. Like I said last week, I'm not completely hating on him, but bread basket is such a bootleg version of JT! From the style to the voice to the penis in his mouth! The loose suspenders though? Are they the new male stirrups? Spread em honey!
Jordin Sparks: Frizz Unease sang "On a Clear Day". Did she just call it a "cute song" in front of Toni Tone? And what's with the outfit? Did you get dressed on a dark night? I'm not feeling this. And with the bad jewelry and fat face? Take your underaged ass home! And find a stair climber!
PS: How high is Paula? She didn't just sniff the glue...she injected it! She's blabbing on and on and is completely nonsensical.
Gina Glockson: Weave-Be-Gone sang "Smile". That hairdo made me frown, ho! What's the odd combination of bad weaves, braids and extensions, crusty red pieces, and horrifying makeup and dirty laundry? Besides her trainwreck appearance, I actually didn't mind her performance. It wasn't AMAZING, but certainly not as horrible as usual. Not a winner, but not a loser this week!
Sanjaya Malakar: The Indian John Travolta (come out, girl!) sang...something. I have no idea what. I was horrified by his slick backed weave and Saturday Night Fever frock. He's Z-snapped something about "dancing cheek to cheek"...and now dancing with America's favorite drug addict, Paula (besides Lindsay Lohan, Britney, the Cast of the OC, well, the list goes on and on...)! He's such an odd lady, isn't he? He's like the new William Hung meets Scissor Sisters meets a Cirque de Soleil clown. I'm entertained that he's still in this competition, but in the same fashion as when I take a really big poop and wonder, "How'd I do that?".
Hayley Scarnato: Helen Keller sang some hot mess. Where do we begin? She looks like a two bit hooker trolling for dick in the Meatpacking District! That dress! Those acrylic nails! That makeup! The only thing to complete the outfit is a big cum stain on that nasty face of hers! And the singing? I'd rather hear Tony Bennett having sex with KD Lang! This talentless beast is the next to go home.
LaKisha Jones: Miss Thang sang something so delicious...I'd eat it twice! Didn't her weave look fabulous tonight? Loved it! I would maybe think twice on the dress...the ta-ta's were out to smack some ass, but I'm loving her! I can't wait to see her and Melinda go head to head in the finale!
I'd like to give a special shoutout to my girls Sher-Weavy and E-Weavy. We're forming a new group called The Weave Sisters...so watch out America!
Monday, April 2, 2007
The Hills Ho's
Well, tonight was the season finale of The Hills. Let's start the shit talking, shall we?
The big news was of course idiot stick figure with no soul Heidi moved in with the other idiot stick figure with no soul Spencer. After watching this season, I say...Fuck it. Those two special needs cases deserve each other. Let them both merrily cheat on each other and swap STD's until their genitals fall off. So over it!
Another important point to mention...what the fuck is up with Heidi's co-workers, Elodie and the Frodo? They are so damn busted! They both look like old trannies with bad weaves! I know MTV is running out of money and might have had to save on a Casting Director but um hello (!?!?!)...wasn't there a toothless homeless man on Sunset with an affinity towards public urination available? Anyone else would have been better!
I feel bad for LC...not because she got screwed over by Heidi, but that she was dumb enough to let Audrina move in! Can you get HPV from a toilet seat? You know that nasty ho's got it! Watch out LC!
I've always thought Brody was a massive tool, and tonight proved no exception when he and Spencer had their lame "male bonding" talk. I hope they both fall into a fault line and disappear.
Now I know the old farts at MTV love to over-produce a show and write "interesting storyboards", but this particular episode was SO faked! It felt far too produced and so many of the scenes were clearly set up. Also, the blatant display of mic packs on their asses was ridiculous. Time for a turnover, baby.
I also had the displeasure of watching part of Taquita and Kaui on mute while chatting with Mis Kelly to recap the show. Who greenlit this monstrosity of a show? First of all, are they really women? Chicks with dicks, anyone? They look like ugly trannies!
And now I'm watching the Hills aftershow and I gots two words for Mis Whitney...KAREN CARPENTER. Excuse me, but was the show called The Hills...or The Pills?!?! Trimspa, baby! Some one's been finger banging their own mouth for the past few months. Baby, you look like a lollipop head. Please eat something. You were pretty busted to begin with, and now you're just really skinny...and busted.
And who are these nasty Jersey girls with bad boob jobs co-hosting the show? And why is horse face Hillary Duff via satellite?
The big news was of course idiot stick figure with no soul Heidi moved in with the other idiot stick figure with no soul Spencer. After watching this season, I say...Fuck it. Those two special needs cases deserve each other. Let them both merrily cheat on each other and swap STD's until their genitals fall off. So over it!
Another important point to mention...what the fuck is up with Heidi's co-workers, Elodie and the Frodo? They are so damn busted! They both look like old trannies with bad weaves! I know MTV is running out of money and might have had to save on a Casting Director but um hello (!?!?!)...wasn't there a toothless homeless man on Sunset with an affinity towards public urination available? Anyone else would have been better!
I feel bad for LC...not because she got screwed over by Heidi, but that she was dumb enough to let Audrina move in! Can you get HPV from a toilet seat? You know that nasty ho's got it! Watch out LC!
I've always thought Brody was a massive tool, and tonight proved no exception when he and Spencer had their lame "male bonding" talk. I hope they both fall into a fault line and disappear.
Now I know the old farts at MTV love to over-produce a show and write "interesting storyboards", but this particular episode was SO faked! It felt far too produced and so many of the scenes were clearly set up. Also, the blatant display of mic packs on their asses was ridiculous. Time for a turnover, baby.
I also had the displeasure of watching part of Taquita and Kaui on mute while chatting with Mis Kelly to recap the show. Who greenlit this monstrosity of a show? First of all, are they really women? Chicks with dicks, anyone? They look like ugly trannies!
And now I'm watching the Hills aftershow and I gots two words for Mis Whitney...KAREN CARPENTER. Excuse me, but was the show called The Hills...or The Pills?!?! Trimspa, baby! Some one's been finger banging their own mouth for the past few months. Baby, you look like a lollipop head. Please eat something. You were pretty busted to begin with, and now you're just really skinny...and busted.
And who are these nasty Jersey girls with bad boob jobs co-hosting the show? And why is horse face Hillary Duff via satellite?
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Weekend Update
What a lovely weekend I've had. Last night, I met up with Mis Charlotte at Giorgione 508 for some delicious chow and conversation. We tried to convince Mis Kelly to dash out of work and join us for the evening's festivities later on, but to no avail. After such scintillating topics at the Tour de Foreskin and whatnot, we rolled out and cabbed over to Mis Jessica's housewarming party in the West Village. Holla to Jessica and her gorgeous apartment! Love the decor and beautiful ceilings! It was a lovely time, and soon became a dance party until 4AM, when I decided to hang up my tired ass weave and go home.
This afternoon, I met Mis Erika and Mis Sheree at Nice Matin on the Upper West Side for some delicious brunch and gossip! The bellinis were quite tasty and so was the food. Lots of weave talk, makeup tips, and general gossip...and even a near Brad Pitt sighting in a magical mirror! Then Erika and I decided to do a tour de force of the Upper East Side and honey, we worked it! Who needs exercise when you can shop til you drop...and I almost DID drop.
Now I'm home with my purchases and trying to figure out how the fuck to work my new phone/blackberry. Technical, I am not. I'm about to blow some IT tech just to get it straight.
This afternoon, I met Mis Erika and Mis Sheree at Nice Matin on the Upper West Side for some delicious brunch and gossip! The bellinis were quite tasty and so was the food. Lots of weave talk, makeup tips, and general gossip...and even a near Brad Pitt sighting in a magical mirror! Then Erika and I decided to do a tour de force of the Upper East Side and honey, we worked it! Who needs exercise when you can shop til you drop...and I almost DID drop.
Now I'm home with my purchases and trying to figure out how the fuck to work my new phone/blackberry. Technical, I am not. I'm about to blow some IT tech just to get it straight.
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