Yes, I know...I have been an absent weave but it's been a busy holiday season! Endless parties, dinners, laying face down at Soho House...ahhhh I am sure in a right festive mood!
I am back in the San Francisco Bay Area where the weather is sinfully sunny and lovely. This socialite has had a wonderful time relaxing and napping like a pussy cat. Makes me purr!
I will report back with some scandalous tales of debauchery and naughtiness soon enough but here's hoping you take those lumps of coal and make butt implants with them! Fierce.
Happy Christmas my pets.
XX
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
The Hills
What. The. Fuck. Did. I. Just. Watch. ?.
Did anyone else catch tonight's episode (and I use the term "episode" very loosely as it should truly be termed "video scraps from the edit room floor")? What a hot mess!
Let's start with our little vixen tart, Whitney, and all her backhanded questions to Lauren (before she knew she was off to gay Paris as well). "Have you been to Paris this time of year?". Oh. That was hot. It's nice that the two girls can gallivant to Paris together and see who can squeeze more Brie out of their vajayjays. So exciting! And let's chat about Audrina's French lessons contributions of "C'est la vie" and "Oui". When you hear Audrina speak, don't you always get reminded of some mentally challenged invalid who got hit by a truck and has some serious amnesia, causing her to re-learn the English language? She is just so damn Corky chic. Paiggeeeeee!
The Spencer and Heidi back and forth is truly ridiculous, fake, and unwatchable. Who cares about these two raging morons? Watching them fight and pick at each other is the equivalent of ass banging yourself with a cactus for 30 minutes straight. Painful! There's really nothing to say but if we want to play make believe, I suppose I'm happy that tits for brains Heidi has left Spencer so she can go back to Colorado and be with her people, to roam the fields with her fellow ponies, and eat shit from troughs.
You all know how I feel about Brody. Was his mother Summer's Eve? Someone smells like lemons and vinegar! Oh! It's Brody - you raging fucking douchbag. What is wrong with him? Why are guys in LA like this? Should we call him Brody's Eve?
Even worse than the show was the AFTER SHOW! Who watched this hot ass mess?
First of all, let's talk about the serious miscasting of those two hosts. Were they casted via two cans and some string? Who would think these two dolts were at all coherent, attractive, or presentable to the naked eye? Jessi (spelled like THAT) looks like a damn trannie. She is very TransAmerica chic. She's got a bulging 8 inches below the belt that just can't be tamed. And what about the boy? He looks like Fred Armisen after a night at OJ's house. Busted!
The entire "after show" was a complete disaster and shows that MTV is more out of touch with the "youth of today" than ever before. I think watching reruns of The Golden Girls has a stronger resonance with the kiddies today. The webcam thing? A hot mess. Choosing "Area" as the location? What? Was some other washed up lame club not available? A hot mess. Having a fake red carpet in a parking lot? A hot mess.
I think I need to go watch reruns of paint drying to regain some brain cells.
Did anyone else catch tonight's episode (and I use the term "episode" very loosely as it should truly be termed "video scraps from the edit room floor")? What a hot mess!
Let's start with our little vixen tart, Whitney, and all her backhanded questions to Lauren (before she knew she was off to gay Paris as well). "Have you been to Paris this time of year?". Oh. That was hot. It's nice that the two girls can gallivant to Paris together and see who can squeeze more Brie out of their vajayjays. So exciting! And let's chat about Audrina's French lessons contributions of "C'est la vie" and "Oui". When you hear Audrina speak, don't you always get reminded of some mentally challenged invalid who got hit by a truck and has some serious amnesia, causing her to re-learn the English language? She is just so damn Corky chic. Paiggeeeeee!
The Spencer and Heidi back and forth is truly ridiculous, fake, and unwatchable. Who cares about these two raging morons? Watching them fight and pick at each other is the equivalent of ass banging yourself with a cactus for 30 minutes straight. Painful! There's really nothing to say but if we want to play make believe, I suppose I'm happy that tits for brains Heidi has left Spencer so she can go back to Colorado and be with her people, to roam the fields with her fellow ponies, and eat shit from troughs.
You all know how I feel about Brody. Was his mother Summer's Eve? Someone smells like lemons and vinegar! Oh! It's Brody - you raging fucking douchbag. What is wrong with him? Why are guys in LA like this? Should we call him Brody's Eve?
Even worse than the show was the AFTER SHOW! Who watched this hot ass mess?
First of all, let's talk about the serious miscasting of those two hosts. Were they casted via two cans and some string? Who would think these two dolts were at all coherent, attractive, or presentable to the naked eye? Jessi (spelled like THAT) looks like a damn trannie. She is very TransAmerica chic. She's got a bulging 8 inches below the belt that just can't be tamed. And what about the boy? He looks like Fred Armisen after a night at OJ's house. Busted!
The entire "after show" was a complete disaster and shows that MTV is more out of touch with the "youth of today" than ever before. I think watching reruns of The Golden Girls has a stronger resonance with the kiddies today. The webcam thing? A hot mess. Choosing "Area" as the location? What? Was some other washed up lame club not available? A hot mess. Having a fake red carpet in a parking lot? A hot mess.
I think I need to go watch reruns of paint drying to regain some brain cells.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Weekend Foolishness
What a eventful few days it's been!
Wednesday, Mr. Tom, Ms. Rebecca, and I had a few adult beverages at Broome Street Bar before having a nice Thai situation at Peep. Hey Peep - you're delicious! We also tried to unearth the true meaning to "spicy rims" but it still remains a mystery. Holla at my lobster pot if you know.
Thursday, the ladies and I hit Stone Street, specifically Ulysees, for some gold digging at its finest. And the stock is up! Did you say you make half a milly a year? Did I say that I have no gag reflex? Invest in me, please! Someone make a deposit! Can I get a witness? There was also some foolishness with a photo shoot in the streets of the FiDi that I won't elaborate on but it was the hotness.
Friday evening, Ms. Jacky, Ms. Mercedes her hubs, and I hit my favorite seafood fanciness, the Lure Fishbar. It was gorgeous and delicious! I highly recommend you all munch down that raw seafood platter like a fratboy in heat. Yum!
Saturday evening, Ms. Lisa and I had a lovely dinner at Blue Fin, and by lovely, for some reason, everything was heinously NOT good. Blue Fin is usually delicious, but apparently not on Saturdays during the fucking holiday season. Ba to the humbug. Afterwards, we strolled to the Nokia Theatre to see Finnish rock sensation HIM. The crowd smelled like athlete's foot but the music was bangin! Nothing like a lovely Finnish man belting out a cover of Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" to work my weave into a frenzy!
Wednesday, Mr. Tom, Ms. Rebecca, and I had a few adult beverages at Broome Street Bar before having a nice Thai situation at Peep. Hey Peep - you're delicious! We also tried to unearth the true meaning to "spicy rims" but it still remains a mystery. Holla at my lobster pot if you know.
Thursday, the ladies and I hit Stone Street, specifically Ulysees, for some gold digging at its finest. And the stock is up! Did you say you make half a milly a year? Did I say that I have no gag reflex? Invest in me, please! Someone make a deposit! Can I get a witness? There was also some foolishness with a photo shoot in the streets of the FiDi that I won't elaborate on but it was the hotness.
Friday evening, Ms. Jacky, Ms. Mercedes her hubs, and I hit my favorite seafood fanciness, the Lure Fishbar. It was gorgeous and delicious! I highly recommend you all munch down that raw seafood platter like a fratboy in heat. Yum!
Saturday evening, Ms. Lisa and I had a lovely dinner at Blue Fin, and by lovely, for some reason, everything was heinously NOT good. Blue Fin is usually delicious, but apparently not on Saturdays during the fucking holiday season. Ba to the humbug. Afterwards, we strolled to the Nokia Theatre to see Finnish rock sensation HIM. The crowd smelled like athlete's foot but the music was bangin! Nothing like a lovely Finnish man belting out a cover of Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" to work my weave into a frenzy!
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