All My Sons

Last night, Ms. Mercedes and I had the pleasure of attending All My Sons and to be quite honest, it was amazing! Arthur Miller's formidable play has been transformed with 21st century technology and an all star cast that delivers like The Rabbit after a week in the desert. Oh hey flood!

Let's start with the big-crazy-alien-Scientologist-freak-in-the-room, Miss Katie Holmes. I wanted to be a hater. I wanted to rant on how her "performance" as Tom Cruise's beard is unbearable. I wanted to close my eyes tightly and relive scenes from Dawson's Creek when Joey Potter was not a total nutcase and I could stare with envy at James Van Der Beek's butt cut. Fuck, where is Paula Cole when you need her? Well, probably in a lesbian commune eating vaHEYHEY for dinner EVERY NIGHT. Wait, I got a bit off topic... Back to Katie, homegirl was shockingly very good! My friend pointed out that since she tends to overact in all the films she does, maybe that would actually translate well on stage...and it does! She wears a cute weave that gives her short hairdo some loveliness. She was actually quite pretty too, but much thinner than I remembered from my last encounter with her. Some old bitch in the bathroom line explained to her friend in a heavy Midwestern accent, "Now you see, thoseackkkkktresssses are always skinnier in person because they work in FILM". Thanks you dumpy ass cow.

The true stars of the show are Mr. John Lithgow and Ms. Dianne Wiest. I was a bit nervous because forever ingrained in my head of John is his portrayal of George Henderson in the 80's sitcom, Harry and the Hendersons. Oh hey Bigfoot! But homegirl was on motherfucking point last night in this dramatic turn. He reminds me of when Robin Williams plays a dramatic role and quite frankly, that shit was phenomenal. And Ms. Dianne Wiest was truly stunning. Her role as the tortured mother of this fucked up family was sensational and in fact, even better than her part in The Birdcage as Mrs. Keeley. Oh you sassy senator's wife!

And I know all you ladies and whoremo's are chomping at the bit about that beefcake, Patrick Wilson. Well, let me break it down for you. His acting was delicious blah blah blah....but you'll all be delighted to know that there is a completely gratuitous shirtless scene of him ho'ing out some fallen tree at the top of Act II. Bring your tissues to the show! You'll be leaking from both ends!

Overall, I definitely recommend you get your situations to this show immediately. Even though am I a bitter dirty smelly sticky sour cunt, I was genuinely impressed.