Oh no, your eyes are not deceiving you...this weave is up EARLY today! Indeed I've been awake since 6:30AM and am already in the office prepping for a shoot. Sheesh TV is SO glamorous...Uhhh suck it.
I had a nice afternoon yesterday and met Ms. Kelly at Bloomingdales for some shopping delights before we strolled through the Upper East Side for a delicious meal at Haru. Holla at the Fantasy Maki Roll! That situation was quite delicious...shrimp tempura roll with a slice of avocado and a dollop of spicy mayo to top that bitch off. Girl, you know I'm all about the spicy mayo...it's better than edible panties!
Excuse me while I go find an IV and inject myself full of caffeine...
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Working (it) 9 to 5
Well, its long past Noon and I'm finally getting myself together and fixin up my weave for a lovely Sunday in NYC. Last night was quite delicious. Ms. Annie and I had a delightful Thai dinner at Peep then strolled down to the LES and sipped on cocktails at Cafe Charbon. Not as full of delicious Frenchies per usual, but my Rose wine was scrumptious nonetheless.
We made our exit and were strolling down Eldridge towards Fontana's for a birthday party when a giant rat ran in front of us. Oh New York is so classy. Obviously, I screamed at the top of my lungs and dashed back. All of a sudden, we heard, "Frank? Annie?" and came to realize that our entire screamfest had been witnessed by Ms. Liz and Tyson! Ha! How embarrassing!
Once at the bar, we guzzled adult beverages and boogied the night away. And the grand finale, dancing Ms. Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 before leaving. Loves it!
Ms. Erika and I strolled over to Pomodoro's to munch down some delectable pizza before my weave expired and turned into horse hair and that was a fine Saturday night indeed!
We made our exit and were strolling down Eldridge towards Fontana's for a birthday party when a giant rat ran in front of us. Oh New York is so classy. Obviously, I screamed at the top of my lungs and dashed back. All of a sudden, we heard, "Frank? Annie?" and came to realize that our entire screamfest had been witnessed by Ms. Liz and Tyson! Ha! How embarrassing!
Once at the bar, we guzzled adult beverages and boogied the night away. And the grand finale, dancing Ms. Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 before leaving. Loves it!
Ms. Erika and I strolled over to Pomodoro's to munch down some delectable pizza before my weave expired and turned into horse hair and that was a fine Saturday night indeed!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Hallelujah...it's the weekend!
After working last weekend, it's my first official day off in 2 weeks and I'm celebrating in style...on my couch. Apparently it's nice out but I think I need to relax my weave and stay indoors until drinkin time tonight!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
American Idol
How fucking lame. Just because it's a charity show doesn't mean they can't get rid of the endangered species bald eagle, Phil Stacey! One more week Mr. Clean! Or that nasty ho Jordin Sparks. Ugh...you might be only 17 and sweet but you have no talent, baby!
But this week, rather than commenting on the contestants, let's talk about the celebs!
Earth, Wind, and Fire: Was Lionel Richie not available? Was Captain and Tennille booked on a cruise? Were The O'Jays singing in a casino in Montana? How Z-list can we get to kick off a show? They sounded fine but their weaves were crazy. Makes my crazy ass weave look sane! Ho hum.
Il Divo: You mean El Dildo? Doesn't it sound like they all have a mouthful of penis and are trying to sing around it? Multitask that shit, gentlemen! These four "men", yes, in quotes...are the cheesiest mother fuckers ever. Let's just call them Brie, Camembert, Gouda, and Pepper Jack shall we? Doesn't one of the guys kind of look like Spencer from The Hills? I want to hate him when, in that ridiculous voice, he sings, "Somewhere, there's a place for us....a time and place for us". I'm like, bitch, where? The dairy aisle? Get your cheesy ass away from me!
Rascal Flatts: I don't really care about country and I certainly don't care about some fat country men singing. Should they be renamed Rascal Rounds? So boring! Roll them off!
Josh Grobin: Does this wack ass weave know any other songs besides "You Raise Me Up"? And girl, I hope I ain't raisin anything up on you! My stuff would be runnin towards the hills.
Carrie Underwood: I don't really care about this anorexic ho but I will say I was somewhat touched during her montage and cover of "I'll stand by you". But then again, I get touched by dirty pedophiles in dirty bars so what the hell do I know. I do think it's funny that some producer thought it'd be "so heartwarming" to see some blond twit hugging African babies as a symbol of hope. I won't even get started on this but it's fucking ridiculous.
Celine Dion: I shamefully love this Canadian export. She's so damn ridiculous and borderline Special Olympian that I can't help but say, "Say-Lean...Ew R zee beist zinga inn zee whirl"! But what old fat production cunt thought it'd be "so cool" to have her sing with a virtual Elvis? Again, if American Idol was like the Special Olympics, this performance would have certainly won. Call the other sister.
Kelly Clarkson: Now you all know I love me some Kelly, but did she gain 450 pounds? If she waved those arms in the air, she'd knock herself out with that arm fat! And what was with the mu-mu she was wearing??? Maybe she eats her feelings...and if so, she must be really emotional! Kelly, get it together!
Annie Lennox: Now I love this crazy ass bitch, but I'll be honest...I literally fell asleep during her performance. Annie, honey, it's time to turn back the clock (and not just with all that Botox in your face), sing some hits from the "Medusa" album, do a few Eurythmics' numbers, and call your career done. When's the farewell tour? I'm SO there!
But this week, rather than commenting on the contestants, let's talk about the celebs!
Earth, Wind, and Fire: Was Lionel Richie not available? Was Captain and Tennille booked on a cruise? Were The O'Jays singing in a casino in Montana? How Z-list can we get to kick off a show? They sounded fine but their weaves were crazy. Makes my crazy ass weave look sane! Ho hum.
Il Divo: You mean El Dildo? Doesn't it sound like they all have a mouthful of penis and are trying to sing around it? Multitask that shit, gentlemen! These four "men", yes, in quotes...are the cheesiest mother fuckers ever. Let's just call them Brie, Camembert, Gouda, and Pepper Jack shall we? Doesn't one of the guys kind of look like Spencer from The Hills? I want to hate him when, in that ridiculous voice, he sings, "Somewhere, there's a place for us....a time and place for us". I'm like, bitch, where? The dairy aisle? Get your cheesy ass away from me!
Rascal Flatts: I don't really care about country and I certainly don't care about some fat country men singing. Should they be renamed Rascal Rounds? So boring! Roll them off!
Josh Grobin: Does this wack ass weave know any other songs besides "You Raise Me Up"? And girl, I hope I ain't raisin anything up on you! My stuff would be runnin towards the hills.
Carrie Underwood: I don't really care about this anorexic ho but I will say I was somewhat touched during her montage and cover of "I'll stand by you". But then again, I get touched by dirty pedophiles in dirty bars so what the hell do I know. I do think it's funny that some producer thought it'd be "so heartwarming" to see some blond twit hugging African babies as a symbol of hope. I won't even get started on this but it's fucking ridiculous.
Celine Dion: I shamefully love this Canadian export. She's so damn ridiculous and borderline Special Olympian that I can't help but say, "Say-Lean...Ew R zee beist zinga inn zee whirl"! But what old fat production cunt thought it'd be "so cool" to have her sing with a virtual Elvis? Again, if American Idol was like the Special Olympics, this performance would have certainly won. Call the other sister.
Kelly Clarkson: Now you all know I love me some Kelly, but did she gain 450 pounds? If she waved those arms in the air, she'd knock herself out with that arm fat! And what was with the mu-mu she was wearing??? Maybe she eats her feelings...and if so, she must be really emotional! Kelly, get it together!
Annie Lennox: Now I love this crazy ass bitch, but I'll be honest...I literally fell asleep during her performance. Annie, honey, it's time to turn back the clock (and not just with all that Botox in your face), sing some hits from the "Medusa" album, do a few Eurythmics' numbers, and call your career done. When's the farewell tour? I'm SO there!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
The most amazing thing ever
Picture it. Jennifer Hudson and Patti LaBelle...singing...together. HOT!
Watch it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=CXKewBELm7w
Watch it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=CXKewBELm7w
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Busiest Week Ever
Evening my pets,
Profuse apologies for having been MIA for the past few days. My weave was on overload and let's just say that my plate was more than full.
Let's recap, shall we?
Wednesday:
First of all, Amen sista friend that our favorite closet case, Sanjaya, was booted off American Idol! Good job, America! For once, your votes made a difference! That talentless lady deserves nothing less than a swift kick in the ass (although he may ask you to do that repeatedly...and with a dildo or broom handle).
Thursday:
The lovely soiree du jour to celebrate the birthdays of Jackie and Lisa. Holla ladies! What a delicious turnout. Many of their nearest and dearest came out to Sutra to dance dance dance! What a fun evening!
Friday:
Another busy day at work then I had to fly myself up to Boston for another gig this weekend. Now remember, this weave does not like to talk about work, so no details on that. However, I will say that flying on a Friday afternoon can prove to be very aggravating, especially when you could have taken a train (that's train, people...not trannie) to get to your destination. After some serious delays at La Guardia's Marine Air Terminal, which loosely translates to Bootleg Terminal, we got to Boston five hours after we left the office. Sheesh! To add to the horrors, we stayed at the Hyatt Regency in Cambridge, which apparently is summer camp for fat Midwesterners. And to drop the final piece of shit into the toilet, I had a screaming baby next door to me. I generally prefer to stay at adult hotels (ie the W, Nine Zero, etc), but made the mistake of booking at this hotel because of its proximity to my shoot. That demon child decided to scream and wail every hour, on the hour, that night. What I wouldn't give to have had a box of wire hangers next to my bed...
Saturday:
First of all, happy Birthday Lisa!
And in Boston...What an amazingly gorgeous day! Shannon and I hit Newbury Street and shopped until our heels said, "Are you crazy, bitch? Sit me down!". Ms. Natalie also joined us and we had a glorious afternoon. Also, big ups to the deliciousness of Charles Street in Beacon Hill. Who knew such a lovely little situation existed? Note to future sugar daddy(ies): Please invest in property here for me...um, I mean...us.
That evening, Shannon and I had a gorgeous dinner in Davis Square at a cute little Italian place. Very romantic. We toasted our love, and by our love, I mean our eggplant rolls.
Sunday:
All work, all day. Very busy very busy! Actually, not THAT busy but I did have a few high stress moments which were satiated with more craft service than I could imagine. Sometimes my eyes are just bigger than my mouth. Hmmm I don't think that's how the saying goes, but maybe I'll try it out on a future date.
I'd also like to share Ms. Berna's quote of the day: "It's not gay if you're drunk". You hear that frat boys? Ring the alarm!
In terms of work, all I can say is that those MIT kiddies sure are funky! How do you pack so little rhythm into such a lanky body? Maybe THAT'S something they could study. A + B - C +D -E = WATCH SOME SOUL TRAIN AND REPEAT!
After the concert, my weave flew back to NYC and now I need to hang it up before I look a hot crazy horse haired weaved up mess for tomorrow. I need to tell my pores a bedtime story and hope they close their mouths tomorrow. No need for Auntie pimples to come to town.
And good NIGHT!
Profuse apologies for having been MIA for the past few days. My weave was on overload and let's just say that my plate was more than full.
Let's recap, shall we?
Wednesday:
First of all, Amen sista friend that our favorite closet case, Sanjaya, was booted off American Idol! Good job, America! For once, your votes made a difference! That talentless lady deserves nothing less than a swift kick in the ass (although he may ask you to do that repeatedly...and with a dildo or broom handle).
Thursday:
The lovely soiree du jour to celebrate the birthdays of Jackie and Lisa. Holla ladies! What a delicious turnout. Many of their nearest and dearest came out to Sutra to dance dance dance! What a fun evening!
Friday:
Another busy day at work then I had to fly myself up to Boston for another gig this weekend. Now remember, this weave does not like to talk about work, so no details on that. However, I will say that flying on a Friday afternoon can prove to be very aggravating, especially when you could have taken a train (that's train, people...not trannie) to get to your destination. After some serious delays at La Guardia's Marine Air Terminal, which loosely translates to Bootleg Terminal, we got to Boston five hours after we left the office. Sheesh! To add to the horrors, we stayed at the Hyatt Regency in Cambridge, which apparently is summer camp for fat Midwesterners. And to drop the final piece of shit into the toilet, I had a screaming baby next door to me. I generally prefer to stay at adult hotels (ie the W, Nine Zero, etc), but made the mistake of booking at this hotel because of its proximity to my shoot. That demon child decided to scream and wail every hour, on the hour, that night. What I wouldn't give to have had a box of wire hangers next to my bed...
Saturday:
First of all, happy Birthday Lisa!
And in Boston...What an amazingly gorgeous day! Shannon and I hit Newbury Street and shopped until our heels said, "Are you crazy, bitch? Sit me down!". Ms. Natalie also joined us and we had a glorious afternoon. Also, big ups to the deliciousness of Charles Street in Beacon Hill. Who knew such a lovely little situation existed? Note to future sugar daddy(ies): Please invest in property here for me...um, I mean...us.
That evening, Shannon and I had a gorgeous dinner in Davis Square at a cute little Italian place. Very romantic. We toasted our love, and by our love, I mean our eggplant rolls.
Sunday:
All work, all day. Very busy very busy! Actually, not THAT busy but I did have a few high stress moments which were satiated with more craft service than I could imagine. Sometimes my eyes are just bigger than my mouth. Hmmm I don't think that's how the saying goes, but maybe I'll try it out on a future date.
I'd also like to share Ms. Berna's quote of the day: "It's not gay if you're drunk". You hear that frat boys? Ring the alarm!
In terms of work, all I can say is that those MIT kiddies sure are funky! How do you pack so little rhythm into such a lanky body? Maybe THAT'S something they could study. A + B - C +D -E = WATCH SOME SOUL TRAIN AND REPEAT!
After the concert, my weave flew back to NYC and now I need to hang it up before I look a hot crazy horse haired weaved up mess for tomorrow. I need to tell my pores a bedtime story and hope they close their mouths tomorrow. No need for Auntie pimples to come to town.
And good NIGHT!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
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