Gossip Girl Roundup

Now, I don't know how much longer I can watch this show. It's essentially the mental equivalent of trying to imagine cock being shoved into Ann Coulter's far too tight vajayjay. Impossible to deal with! However, I did catch last night's bewitching episode so let's hit it.

The basic premise is that it's Ivy Week and everyone's gunning for their choice of Ivy schools. Poor Brooklyn captive, Dan (Oh he's SO out of OUR world...) is the second in his class but when he doesn't get the coveted title of Dartmouth, Ms. Thing throws a hissy fit like no other and it takes a little pushing from Daddy to work it out so he can attend the event. Dan's just so damn pissed that all the rich kids get everything they want because of their families' influences and privilege. Wah Wah Wah! Shove a dildo in your ass. I think you're done.

Blair and Serena are still cock fighting and there's quite an intense scene of physical beat downs when they're playing field hockey. Speaking of field hockey, when the hell did those two become fierce carpet munchers? They might as well fight a double ended field hockey stick and pump-pump-pump it up! Speaking of all things gay, we also learn that Blair's father is a raging homo and has shacked up with a 31 year old model. Jim McGreevey called. He wants his boytoy back.

And finally, we find out that Serena's brother, Eric, is a total wack job and tried to kill himself a few months previous. He's checked into a "home for the disturbed and addicted" and Blair works her cunt to try to ruin Serena when spotting her entering the home. Did anyone else wonder how the actor playing Eric got casted? The kid is seriously borderline Special Olympian and any minute, he might yell "I got it" as he runs in circles grabbing his own ass. The casting director needs to be fired.

The final act was totally retarded (like, seriously, Corky-style) and Serena and Blair reconciled. Why would they make up so early in the season? Someone better blow someone's else boyfriend STAT to move things along.

And now I need to dunk my head in the toilet and flush repeatedly to get all these worthless facts out of my head.