The Hills Recap

This week's episode was totally heaven, wasn't it? Totally fake, and totally awesome!

First, I have now come to realize Ms. Lauren's diet technique! She surrounds herself with other chunky blond girls and therefore makes herself to be the skinniest of the bunch. I shall cite Lo and newcomer, Jill, as examples. There was literally no reason, and no previous mention ever, of Jill before, but lo and behold (Lo and behold...haha!), there was Ms. Weight Watchers Dropout 2007 in a bathing suit cuddling it up with Lauren and Lo in a big chair by the pool! Well done, Lauren! You now only look about 650 pounds. Slim as ever.

This week's episode spotlighted some of THE biggest douchebags of all time. If your vajayjay was feeling a little musty and unclean, I bet it sparkled after this episode! Let's start with Brody. W. T. F. He was somewhat bearable in previous episodes, but this week, his inner douche came out and the smell of lemons and vinegar filled the air. Why are guys from LA like this? It's definitely a weird phenomenon that should be studied immediately. Screw global warming! Al Gore should be doing documentaries on douchebags from LA! They're greatly effecting the world.

Another nominee in the douchebag category? Our homegirl, Spencer! Hey boo - What's up with the chin pubes? You look ridiculous. Did you eat out Ms. Heidi after she missed a waxing and get inspired? So sick. We're over it.

But of course the biggest douche of them all? Indeed, the award goes to Justin Bobby. He was such a prick to the ladies and is generally horrendous. When he was waiting for them at curbside check-in, he was rocking back and forth furiously and looked nuts. Is Jenny McCarthy his mom?!? (Sidenote: Has anyone been catching the Jenny McCarthy / Holly Robinson Peete autism press tour?! Is this what their careers have come to?)

Let's talk about Elodie, who because of her increasing mouse-like appearance, we will now call Ms. Fivel. It's an American Tale, honey! Ms. Fivel was totally conniving and bitchy and it was heaven. She backstabbed Heidi by not showing up to the "big event". Obviously it was completely set up and fake, but I was certainly salivating and loving every second.

There was also a lot of making out on this week's episode. Brodie and Lauren - who cares, right? But Frankie (an honorable mention in his douching capabilities) and Lo? It was like two heffers in a mud slop! Oink oink, bitches!