Yes indeed...the week is almost over. Someone PLEASE holler at my lobster pot.
Let's see what's gone on this week so far...
Monday, I had a blowout extravaganza with Ms. Mindy to celebrate her birthday! We downed a delicious bottle of Sancerre at Soho House and then had the most delicious dinner at Nobu. Loves! I could seriously eat that miso cod everyday. If only Daddy would let me...Wahhh! The atmosphere was calm and delightful and I was hoping for a La Lohan encounter but she was probably blowing lines somewhere else in the city. How rude!
Tuesday, I had a few cocktails with co-workers then went home to relax my weave.
Wednesday, Ms. Jackie, Mr. Isaac, Ms. Lisa and I had a lovely dinner at Aoki. Yes, indeed, they have a dish called the "Tuna Lover", which I promptly ordered. Delicious...however you'll be raging with frat boy breath for the rest of the evening. Fishy! Then, we strolled through the bitter cold (ahhhh to match my soul) to the Shubert Theatre for the evening's performance of Spamalot starring Miss Clay Aiken. I don't even know HOW to being to describe this performance. Let's just say I didn't realize that the gay pride parade would be marching through the theater in January this year. You could literally get ass fucked on stage, deepthroat 6 dildos, wrap yourself in a rainbow flag, and sing show tunes out of your ass while giving the Cher hair toss and not even come close to the raging gayness of Miss Clay. In fact, we should just rename him Gay Gayken. It was UNBELIEVABLE. He recently claimed that he is "asexual" which is always code for cocksucker. I think that's the cousin of "bisexual" which is code for ass licker. When he finally skips out of the closet with jazz hands, I really hope him and Miss Lance Bass get it on. Til the break of dawn.
That being said, the rest of the show was hysterical. The actors were great and the music was fun. Definitely worth seeing if you haven't had the pleasure, but if you have a chance to hit it with Miss Clay, I suggest you do immediately. Miss Clay puts Bravo to shame.
And tonight, we welcome Miss AJ back to NYC!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Week In Review
Hello my precious darlings. Let's see here. It was quite a hectic week filled with more booze than even La Lohan could handle. My liver must be saying, "Bitch, you have got to be kidding".
Tuesday night, a few of us hit the restaurant at the MOMA called The Modern and the food was delightful! The ambiance was elegant and trendy, however, you could clean your vajayjay nicely with the raging douchebag crowd of Midtown bankers and assholes. I suppose that means you walk away with all your orifices feeling refreshed! Calgon, take me away!
Wednesday night, Ms. Keshia, Ms. Khadija, and Mr. Isaac joined me at Soho House for some heavy drinking. Bring on the Prosecco! We ran into Ms. Diane and her new artist, Ferras, and guzzled some bubbly together.
Thursday evening, a gaggle of us went down to the Housing Works Bookstore for Ferras' showcase. His voice was superb! If you're a fan of American Idol, you'll get to know his music quite well as his song will be featured on the show weekly. Check him out at http://www.myspace.com/ferrasmusic .
Friday night, my weave was tired and worn down so I came home and hit the sack early. Sometimes, even a drunken socialite needs a night in. You feel me, Tara Reid?
Saturday, I had the misfortune of working it all day. Mmhmm... Afterwards, Ms. Karen and I had an adult beverage and some snacks at Soho House before going to see the delightful Ms. Kathy Griffin at the WaMu Theater at Madison Square Garden. It was seriously New York Mo's on parade up in that heezy. We spotted Ms. Michael Kors and Ms. Carson Kressley (not together) on our saunter inside. Work it, ladies! Ms. Kathy was hysterical as always and I may have inadvertently had a few accidental bowel movements. Oops, I did it again. After the show, we zipped down to Swift to celebrate Ms. Mindy's big 30. Happy birthday, girlfriend! All her peeps were there and we drank ourselves into a frenzy. A fine frenzy.
Tuesday night, a few of us hit the restaurant at the MOMA called The Modern and the food was delightful! The ambiance was elegant and trendy, however, you could clean your vajayjay nicely with the raging douchebag crowd of Midtown bankers and assholes. I suppose that means you walk away with all your orifices feeling refreshed! Calgon, take me away!
Wednesday night, Ms. Keshia, Ms. Khadija, and Mr. Isaac joined me at Soho House for some heavy drinking. Bring on the Prosecco! We ran into Ms. Diane and her new artist, Ferras, and guzzled some bubbly together.
Thursday evening, a gaggle of us went down to the Housing Works Bookstore for Ferras' showcase. His voice was superb! If you're a fan of American Idol, you'll get to know his music quite well as his song will be featured on the show weekly. Check him out at http://www.myspace.com/ferrasmusic .
Friday night, my weave was tired and worn down so I came home and hit the sack early. Sometimes, even a drunken socialite needs a night in. You feel me, Tara Reid?
Saturday, I had the misfortune of working it all day. Mmhmm... Afterwards, Ms. Karen and I had an adult beverage and some snacks at Soho House before going to see the delightful Ms. Kathy Griffin at the WaMu Theater at Madison Square Garden. It was seriously New York Mo's on parade up in that heezy. We spotted Ms. Michael Kors and Ms. Carson Kressley (not together) on our saunter inside. Work it, ladies! Ms. Kathy was hysterical as always and I may have inadvertently had a few accidental bowel movements. Oops, I did it again. After the show, we zipped down to Swift to celebrate Ms. Mindy's big 30. Happy birthday, girlfriend! All her peeps were there and we drank ourselves into a frenzy. A fine frenzy.
Monday, January 21, 2008
27 Messes
Yes, girl, if you see 27 Dresses, I warn you now...you may make 27 messes! Why? Two words. James. Marsden. Yes ladies, if you opt to go see this flick, you best bring along a roll of Bounty Towels (Yes, the quicker picker upper), because Ms. Marsden is certainly a panty creamer. All the gals around me were oohhing and aahhing at his perfect cheekbones and dashing smile.
But ANYWAYS...yes indeed, Ms. Berna and I had the pleasure of seeing 27 Dresses today and it was delightful. After a scrumptious brunch at Soho House (where we spotted creepy Mr. Joe Simpson), we worked out weaves over to Union Square to see this delightful flick. I officially now love Ms. Katherine Heigl. She is incredible. I also love the fact that she has a mouth like a trucker and can cuss with the best of them. The movie is totally predictable and ridiculous, but if you love a light and airy romantic comedy, I highly recommend it. Two thumbs up the butt!
But ANYWAYS...yes indeed, Ms. Berna and I had the pleasure of seeing 27 Dresses today and it was delightful. After a scrumptious brunch at Soho House (where we spotted creepy Mr. Joe Simpson), we worked out weaves over to Union Square to see this delightful flick. I officially now love Ms. Katherine Heigl. She is incredible. I also love the fact that she has a mouth like a trucker and can cuss with the best of them. The movie is totally predictable and ridiculous, but if you love a light and airy romantic comedy, I highly recommend it. Two thumbs up the butt!
Make Me a Supermodel
Who's watching this glorious show? If you're not...you should! It's totally gratuitous, self-involved, exploitative, shallow, and is sending millions of girls to the toilet to finger bang their own mouths...translation? It's fucking heaven. The cast of characters and hosts are remarkable.
Ms. Niki Taylor is a fun flirty old bag doing her kegels to keep up with the young ens. Mr. Tyson Beckford is totally not enthused and probably humming to himself "Where did I go wrong and how did I end up on Bravo?"...and we love it.
I don't have much to say about the ladies. The majority of them look like they belong in a mall hair salon working reception or hawking hot dogs in the food court. However, I will say Ms. Jacki worked her shit when she got her new weave and looks totally fab. She is my female front runner and I think she has a good chance. Holly looks like a busted up version of Mary Louise Parker but I'm enjoying her pixie haircut. The rest of them can suck it.
And the boys...let's break down each model one by one, shall we?
Ben: Homegirl looks good when he's posing as serious and stern, but as soon as he opens his mouth, that whole carousel of wonky ass teeth is scaring me into the arms of a carnie! Carnie Wilson, that is! Hold on! Even so, I don't think he should be going home this week.
Casey: There is really nothing unique nor exciting about this one. I predict he'll be sent home in the next few weeks.
Dominic: Who doesn't love Dominic?! Why is he always in the bottom 3? I have a soft spot for this DJ (Who am I? Mandy Moore? Nicole Richie?) and I think he has real potential. There's nothing more exciting than some good old fashion bad-itude and I love it.
Frankie: Shut the fuck up. He is so ridiculous and it's too bad his nipples didn't get waxed off, along with his lips. And that fucking weave? Cut it, girl. He takes decent photos, but send his ass home.
Jay: Again, nothing very exciting here. Yes, he takes fine photos but you better start packing, honey...because no one gives a shit.
Perry: Ex-squeeze me, but did you break your foot in Step Up 2? If this were an 80's teen flick, you would be from the wrong side of the tracks. I'll give you some love, but you're not a winner. Sorry.
Ronnie: I think this raging mo has the most potential. To me, he's the only one who looks like an actual model, and not a reject from the Pacific Sunwear store. Work it, Miss Ronnie!
Let's hope Ms. Katy gets sent home this week. She looks nothing more than Ana Matronic from the Scissor Sisters and even Jenny Craig would bitch slap this heffer home.
Ms. Niki Taylor is a fun flirty old bag doing her kegels to keep up with the young ens. Mr. Tyson Beckford is totally not enthused and probably humming to himself "Where did I go wrong and how did I end up on Bravo?"...and we love it.
I don't have much to say about the ladies. The majority of them look like they belong in a mall hair salon working reception or hawking hot dogs in the food court. However, I will say Ms. Jacki worked her shit when she got her new weave and looks totally fab. She is my female front runner and I think she has a good chance. Holly looks like a busted up version of Mary Louise Parker but I'm enjoying her pixie haircut. The rest of them can suck it.
And the boys...let's break down each model one by one, shall we?
Ben: Homegirl looks good when he's posing as serious and stern, but as soon as he opens his mouth, that whole carousel of wonky ass teeth is scaring me into the arms of a carnie! Carnie Wilson, that is! Hold on! Even so, I don't think he should be going home this week.
Casey: There is really nothing unique nor exciting about this one. I predict he'll be sent home in the next few weeks.
Dominic: Who doesn't love Dominic?! Why is he always in the bottom 3? I have a soft spot for this DJ (Who am I? Mandy Moore? Nicole Richie?) and I think he has real potential. There's nothing more exciting than some good old fashion bad-itude and I love it.
Frankie: Shut the fuck up. He is so ridiculous and it's too bad his nipples didn't get waxed off, along with his lips. And that fucking weave? Cut it, girl. He takes decent photos, but send his ass home.
Jay: Again, nothing very exciting here. Yes, he takes fine photos but you better start packing, honey...because no one gives a shit.
Perry: Ex-squeeze me, but did you break your foot in Step Up 2? If this were an 80's teen flick, you would be from the wrong side of the tracks. I'll give you some love, but you're not a winner. Sorry.
Ronnie: I think this raging mo has the most potential. To me, he's the only one who looks like an actual model, and not a reject from the Pacific Sunwear store. Work it, Miss Ronnie!
Let's hope Ms. Katy gets sent home this week. She looks nothing more than Ana Matronic from the Scissor Sisters and even Jenny Craig would bitch slap this heffer home.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Don't you like it long?
Yes! Of course, honey! We all do! Indeed, it is a long weekend and it's totally heaven.
Let's see...where shall I begin?
On Wednesday, a gaggle of us headed over to the Hammerstein Ballroom for VH1's Storytellers taping with the incomparable Mary J. Blige. She was amazing! Her wig was lookin right, and her voice was sounding superb! She sang the hits and I sang right along side them. Aren't we all lookin for a Real Love? Sure are! After the spectacle, we hit Pop Burger downtown and had a right dance party in our seats. A few of us hit Soho House for a late night bottle then turned in.
Thursday, Ms. Lisa, Ms. Khadija, Mr. Isaac, Ms. Jen and I had a lovely dinner at Eatery where we sat toilet adjacent. Convenient and smelly! Lots of diarrhea chatter later, we headed over to Terminal 5 for the Hot Hot Heat and Editors show. Work those weaves, boys! The show was lovely but the crowd was not. Roosevelt Field in the house! Arghhh...
Friday, I had a "me day" and relaxed my weave at home. Sometimes you just need a day of detox to feel right. And by Saturday, I was ready to rumble. Ms. Ethrina and I headed over to Soho House but the clientele was a bit long in the tooth and limp in the pants for our liking. A drink later, I was home and on the couch watching "Superbad" which I will say is essentially American Pie. What was all the hype about? Sure I love vagina and penis humor as much as the next laddy, but serially...
Let's see...where shall I begin?
On Wednesday, a gaggle of us headed over to the Hammerstein Ballroom for VH1's Storytellers taping with the incomparable Mary J. Blige. She was amazing! Her wig was lookin right, and her voice was sounding superb! She sang the hits and I sang right along side them. Aren't we all lookin for a Real Love? Sure are! After the spectacle, we hit Pop Burger downtown and had a right dance party in our seats. A few of us hit Soho House for a late night bottle then turned in.
Thursday, Ms. Lisa, Ms. Khadija, Mr. Isaac, Ms. Jen and I had a lovely dinner at Eatery where we sat toilet adjacent. Convenient and smelly! Lots of diarrhea chatter later, we headed over to Terminal 5 for the Hot Hot Heat and Editors show. Work those weaves, boys! The show was lovely but the crowd was not. Roosevelt Field in the house! Arghhh...
Friday, I had a "me day" and relaxed my weave at home. Sometimes you just need a day of detox to feel right. And by Saturday, I was ready to rumble. Ms. Ethrina and I headed over to Soho House but the clientele was a bit long in the tooth and limp in the pants for our liking. A drink later, I was home and on the couch watching "Superbad" which I will say is essentially American Pie. What was all the hype about? Sure I love vagina and penis humor as much as the next laddy, but serially...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Where's Drunk Frank?
I know I know...my weave has been absent like my sanity...but honey, I'm back! I've been running around like Britney Spears with her head cut off that I haven't had the proper time to devote to my blog but I promise I will pay more attention to it from this point forward.
Let's see...the weekend was delightful. To have a few days off, to rest my weary weave, to smother myself in seaweed masks and other exfoliates, and to dunk my liver into a bucket of vodka repeatedly really cleanses the soul.
Yesterday, I had a delightful brunch at Soho House with Ms. Kelly where we spotted Mr. Damon Dash working his weave over a pint of beer (Exsqueeze me, dear...but it's 2PM...). We decided to go for a stroll down Bleeker Street into Soho to admire all the lovely wares and couture that was to be offered. Passing by an eyeglass store, I spotted Adam Levine and James of Maroon 5 perusing the bifocals. Did someone say bi?? Uh huh.
I finally took my weave home to hibernate from the storm. Our friend the meteorologist predicted a possible 6-9 inches of snow. However, when I woke up this morning, there was 6-9 inches of nothing. Just like a bad motherfucking date. Wahh!
Good tidings to you...
Let's see...the weekend was delightful. To have a few days off, to rest my weary weave, to smother myself in seaweed masks and other exfoliates, and to dunk my liver into a bucket of vodka repeatedly really cleanses the soul.
Yesterday, I had a delightful brunch at Soho House with Ms. Kelly where we spotted Mr. Damon Dash working his weave over a pint of beer (Exsqueeze me, dear...but it's 2PM...). We decided to go for a stroll down Bleeker Street into Soho to admire all the lovely wares and couture that was to be offered. Passing by an eyeglass store, I spotted Adam Levine and James of Maroon 5 perusing the bifocals. Did someone say bi?? Uh huh.
I finally took my weave home to hibernate from the storm. Our friend the meteorologist predicted a possible 6-9 inches of snow. However, when I woke up this morning, there was 6-9 inches of nothing. Just like a bad motherfucking date. Wahh!
Good tidings to you...
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Happy New Year, cunts!
Well a very lovely Happy New Year to you too! Profuse apologies but my weave has been in more places than Paris Hilton's tongue at a public urinal. Spicy!
After my jaunt to San Francisco, I zipped up to Seattle to visit the ever so lovely Ms. AJ and Mr. Chris. Joined my Ms. Lisa, Ms. Rebecca, and Ms. Jackie, we worked that Space Needle into our Fish Markets and yelled "Starfucks"! We took a quick weekend trip to the gorgeous Canadian town of Vancouver to troll for hockey pucks and mounties and ended up with a big pile of...tuna. Yes, tuna! From my favorite Canadian spot Tojo's. Seriously my pets, if you're ever there, you must go dine at this most delicious restaurant. The Tojo tuna is the best thing you'll ever put in your mouth. Well, except... Tuna, people! Let's stay focused.
We drove back down to Seattle for New Year's and had an amazing 7 course meal at Union downtown. Trendy, sophisticated, and heavenly!
Well, I hope all you ladies and grunts had a gorgeous holiday as well and now it's time to brave this cold ass situation outside calling itself "weather".
Holla at my tuna pot.
After my jaunt to San Francisco, I zipped up to Seattle to visit the ever so lovely Ms. AJ and Mr. Chris. Joined my Ms. Lisa, Ms. Rebecca, and Ms. Jackie, we worked that Space Needle into our Fish Markets and yelled "Starfucks"! We took a quick weekend trip to the gorgeous Canadian town of Vancouver to troll for hockey pucks and mounties and ended up with a big pile of...tuna. Yes, tuna! From my favorite Canadian spot Tojo's. Seriously my pets, if you're ever there, you must go dine at this most delicious restaurant. The Tojo tuna is the best thing you'll ever put in your mouth. Well, except... Tuna, people! Let's stay focused.
We drove back down to Seattle for New Year's and had an amazing 7 course meal at Union downtown. Trendy, sophisticated, and heavenly!
Well, I hope all you ladies and grunts had a gorgeous holiday as well and now it's time to brave this cold ass situation outside calling itself "weather".
Holla at my tuna pot.
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