Make Me a Supermodel

Who's watching this glorious show? If you're not...you should! It's totally gratuitous, self-involved, exploitative, shallow, and is sending millions of girls to the toilet to finger bang their own mouths...translation? It's fucking heaven. The cast of characters and hosts are remarkable.

Ms. Niki Taylor is a fun flirty old bag doing her kegels to keep up with the young ens. Mr. Tyson Beckford is totally not enthused and probably humming to himself "Where did I go wrong and how did I end up on Bravo?"...and we love it.

I don't have much to say about the ladies. The majority of them look like they belong in a mall hair salon working reception or hawking hot dogs in the food court. However, I will say Ms. Jacki worked her shit when she got her new weave and looks totally fab. She is my female front runner and I think she has a good chance. Holly looks like a busted up version of Mary Louise Parker but I'm enjoying her pixie haircut. The rest of them can suck it.

And the boys...let's break down each model one by one, shall we?

Ben: Homegirl looks good when he's posing as serious and stern, but as soon as he opens his mouth, that whole carousel of wonky ass teeth is scaring me into the arms of a carnie! Carnie Wilson, that is! Hold on! Even so, I don't think he should be going home this week.

Casey: There is really nothing unique nor exciting about this one. I predict he'll be sent home in the next few weeks.

Dominic: Who doesn't love Dominic?! Why is he always in the bottom 3? I have a soft spot for this DJ (Who am I? Mandy Moore? Nicole Richie?) and I think he has real potential. There's nothing more exciting than some good old fashion bad-itude and I love it.

Frankie: Shut the fuck up. He is so ridiculous and it's too bad his nipples didn't get waxed off, along with his lips. And that fucking weave? Cut it, girl. He takes decent photos, but send his ass home.

Jay: Again, nothing very exciting here. Yes, he takes fine photos but you better start packing, honey...because no one gives a shit.

Perry: Ex-squeeze me, but did you break your foot in Step Up 2? If this were an 80's teen flick, you would be from the wrong side of the tracks. I'll give you some love, but you're not a winner. Sorry.

Ronnie: I think this raging mo has the most potential. To me, he's the only one who looks like an actual model, and not a reject from the Pacific Sunwear store. Work it, Miss Ronnie!

Let's hope Ms. Katy gets sent home this week. She looks nothing more than Ana Matronic from the Scissor Sisters and even Jenny Craig would bitch slap this heffer home.