What a nice weekend it has been indeed. I met up with Ms. Jenn and Ms. Leah Saturday night for some elegant Greek fare at Barbournia and we had a gorgeous dinner. Holla at the sensuous grape leaves and really, there's nothing like a filet of Dourade to work my shit. We sauntered to Japonais for another adult beverage before we parted ways. Today, the weather was amazing and gorgeous, and by that, I mean overcast with a chance of rain. Low 70's, just the way I like it. We had a quick stroll through Soho to say hello to the people but eventually, the moisture in the air fucked up my weave. We did spot one Mr. Jeremy Sisto strolling with a pal. It looks everything within our power to not yell at, "God, Elton. Can't you suck?!?!".
I'll be in Seattle tomorrow so watch out you Microsoft workers! This socialite needs some sugar, STAT!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Lovely Fridays
Well, someone give me a holla because it's Friday and my weave is delighted! The weather is supposed to be very San Francisco chic this weekend which means I might need to venture out into that situation and be with the people.
I had a lovely evening last night. We attended Vinnie's goodbye party at Snitch and with that open bar's legs spread, I drank up. Tasty! Then, Ms. Lisa, Ms. Annie, and I popped down to Patsy's to work our weaves over some tasty Italian.
I'm leaving the office and hitting the streets!
I had a lovely evening last night. We attended Vinnie's goodbye party at Snitch and with that open bar's legs spread, I drank up. Tasty! Then, Ms. Lisa, Ms. Annie, and I popped down to Patsy's to work our weaves over some tasty Italian.
I'm leaving the office and hitting the streets!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Gayken Strikes
I. Can't. Believe. This. Is. Possible.
http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=1137849473
It's too good.
http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=1137849473
It's too good.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Lubricant Necessary
Is anyone watching "So You Think You Can Dance" right now? This is potentially the gayest thing I've ever seen, aside from the mo'ness of last season's Tran-ji, and we all know...I've seen some gay things. The four of remaining contestants just did some anal sex nostalgia routine to a Liza Minnelli number. I'm not kidding. Why don't they swap dildos and see who can eat a foot long Subway sandwich in one swallow. Gulp...Why is this show not on LOGO? Danny and Neil both look like they just ass smooched in the green room, slapped on some tights, wiped their chins, and thought..."I CAN dance!".
Neil and Sabra just did a "hip hop" number and the judges criticized them on the lack of sexual chemistry. Um, no shit! That's because Sabra's missing 6-8 inches of something. Get it together!
It's interesting that network shows like this always cast likable, not obviously gay gay guys to ensure ALL of America will like them. You wouldn't want people in the Midwest to think these boys are gay! I mean, really...dancing is traditionally very masculine and well approved by fathers everywhere. "When I grow up, I want to be a firefighter, policeman, basketball player, rapper, ass licking lubed up ballerina"...all one in the same! It would be so much more fabulous if they would just cast a bunch of queens on this. In due time...
Also, what exactly happened to Wade Robson? He's now like a hippie choreographer who once boned Britney Spears (which is potentially the gayest thing a man can do)? Nice kaftan, sister!
This show should be sponsored by KY Jelly and Slip 'N Slide!
I predict Neil or Danny will win...
Neil and Sabra just did a "hip hop" number and the judges criticized them on the lack of sexual chemistry. Um, no shit! That's because Sabra's missing 6-8 inches of something. Get it together!
It's interesting that network shows like this always cast likable, not obviously gay gay guys to ensure ALL of America will like them. You wouldn't want people in the Midwest to think these boys are gay! I mean, really...dancing is traditionally very masculine and well approved by fathers everywhere. "When I grow up, I want to be a firefighter, policeman, basketball player, rapper, ass licking lubed up ballerina"...all one in the same! It would be so much more fabulous if they would just cast a bunch of queens on this. In due time...
Also, what exactly happened to Wade Robson? He's now like a hippie choreographer who once boned Britney Spears (which is potentially the gayest thing a man can do)? Nice kaftan, sister!
This show should be sponsored by KY Jelly and Slip 'N Slide!
I predict Neil or Danny will win...
Tuesday Sloshed
Last night, I had a tasty dinner at Los Dos Molinos with the peeps and we got promptly hammered on pitchers of margaritas. Delicious. After, we sauntered down to Irving Plaza and worked our weaves at the Rooney show. Sadly, we have now become the "embarassing old people" at the show as the median age was probably 15. We stopped by backstage to say hello to the boys, then made our way through a few more bars before my weave expired at 2AM and I was face down in my pillows per usual.
Monday, August 13, 2007
I went to Pottery Barn but they don't sell roast beef curtains.
Did everyone watch the double header of The Hills tonight? It was simply HEAVEN. I don't even know where to begin so let's just do a character by character analysis, shall we?
Lauren: I've never seen such angry roast beef curtains! Arby's is for sure serving it up and that situation would be caliente! You go girl for yelling at that Valtrex spokestwat, Heidi! You know she told everyone about your sex tape and you have every right to be pissed. I do want to point out, though, that there are OTHER clubs in LA besides Les Deux. I know it's your Peach Pit or The Max, but try Teddy's or some other hot spot that you might see one Ms. Britney Spears masturbating in the corner with a ham sandwich.
Heidi: Um, I'm not sure where to begin. Let's start with your head. The peroxide is just too much. Your gay hairdresser must be Helen Keller's long lost cousin because you is lookin wack. Less bleach, please. Also, how could you say yes to that douchebag, Spencer??? If you thought your vagina was itchy now, wait until you're married and he comes home with a whole seafood assortment of STD's to fuck your shit up with. Loves it.
Audrina: You're the kind of girl who could be getting anally banged and the only thing you'd think is, "Did I remember to remove that tampon last month"? Home girl! Get it together. I understand that there are some people on this Earth that are just plain stupid, but even those people are making fun of you.
Whitney: You're like Crisco; pretty oily and totally unnecessary. Why are you even still around? I actually do like you, but you, my dear, are a pet rock; Nice to look at but nothing to contribute.
Spencer: Were you born in a bidet because every time I see you, I want to douche! My ass is dirty. Call Spencer! My vagina stinks. Call Spencer! I'm just over it. You're the epitome of the LA douchebag and it's disgusting. PS: That ring looked like it came from a quarter dispenser at Safeway.
Lo: You are such a sarcastic, bitchy cunt...so much so that your cunt has a cunt...and I love it! You know when sometimes you see someone and you know fate has brought you together? That's you and me, sugar! Call me. Let's do US Weekly. Maybe we'll start a talk show called Ho&Lo and replace that talentless maxi pad, Chelsea Handler.
Brody: See above for Whitney.
Kathy Conrad: What's up MILF?!?! I think you're confused and on the wrong channel. The Real Housewives of Orange Country is on Bravo...not MTV! Get your demographic straight.
Justin Bobby: Life is not a Pantene Pro-V commercial...cut that nasty hair. Boy, you are SO affected. Lose the beanie and get over yourself. Summer's Eve called and they want their stink back.
Lauren: I've never seen such angry roast beef curtains! Arby's is for sure serving it up and that situation would be caliente! You go girl for yelling at that Valtrex spokestwat, Heidi! You know she told everyone about your sex tape and you have every right to be pissed. I do want to point out, though, that there are OTHER clubs in LA besides Les Deux. I know it's your Peach Pit or The Max, but try Teddy's or some other hot spot that you might see one Ms. Britney Spears masturbating in the corner with a ham sandwich.
Heidi: Um, I'm not sure where to begin. Let's start with your head. The peroxide is just too much. Your gay hairdresser must be Helen Keller's long lost cousin because you is lookin wack. Less bleach, please. Also, how could you say yes to that douchebag, Spencer??? If you thought your vagina was itchy now, wait until you're married and he comes home with a whole seafood assortment of STD's to fuck your shit up with. Loves it.
Audrina: You're the kind of girl who could be getting anally banged and the only thing you'd think is, "Did I remember to remove that tampon last month"? Home girl! Get it together. I understand that there are some people on this Earth that are just plain stupid, but even those people are making fun of you.
Whitney: You're like Crisco; pretty oily and totally unnecessary. Why are you even still around? I actually do like you, but you, my dear, are a pet rock; Nice to look at but nothing to contribute.
Spencer: Were you born in a bidet because every time I see you, I want to douche! My ass is dirty. Call Spencer! My vagina stinks. Call Spencer! I'm just over it. You're the epitome of the LA douchebag and it's disgusting. PS: That ring looked like it came from a quarter dispenser at Safeway.
Lo: You are such a sarcastic, bitchy cunt...so much so that your cunt has a cunt...and I love it! You know when sometimes you see someone and you know fate has brought you together? That's you and me, sugar! Call me. Let's do US Weekly. Maybe we'll start a talk show called Ho&Lo and replace that talentless maxi pad, Chelsea Handler.
Brody: See above for Whitney.
Kathy Conrad: What's up MILF?!?! I think you're confused and on the wrong channel. The Real Housewives of Orange Country is on Bravo...not MTV! Get your demographic straight.
Justin Bobby: Life is not a Pantene Pro-V commercial...cut that nasty hair. Boy, you are SO affected. Lose the beanie and get over yourself. Summer's Eve called and they want their stink back.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Dear The Hills
Is anyone else watching the Dear The Hills marathon today? Some moronic producer had the not so brilliant idea to scroll viewer questions on the bottom of the screen to various cast members for their advice on boys (like totally!), relationships (like I love love!), friendships (BF's 4EVA), etc. What?!?! Why would ANYONE need advice from the likes of Lauren, Heidi, Audrina, or Whitney? They are the epitome of What Not To Be in these realms. Maybe if there were questions on STD's, how to betray your friends, how to cheat, and how many times to throw up your dinner before it's, like, fully out, then yes, they would be experts.
Here are some sample letters that SHOULD have made it to the marathon.
Dear Heidi,
So, my boyfriend totally gave me anal herpes and that's, like, so lame. They're itchy and I can't even wear a thong anymore without the whole world knowing. This is SO annoying! What should I do?
Loves,
Itchy in Pensacola
OR
Dear Lauren,
You're so pretty but I think you're kind of fat. Don't you think you should lose some weight so boys will like you more? Maybe that's why Heidi chose Spencer and not you, because he's skinny. Lauren, why are you so fat?
Yours truly,
Nicole Richie
OR
Dear Heidi,
I admire your new boobs and totally bleached out hair. It's so cute! Can you recommend a plastic surgeon in LA that won't give me fucked up boobs on a wonky stomach like Tara Reid?
Love,
Bigger is Better in Hollywood
OR
Dear Audrina,
What is wrong with your face? Why are you, like, so damn ugly? Maybe you should consult Heidi's surgeon and get a face transplant. There's probably some cute dead hookers in a dumpster at Teddy's.
Love,
A New Face in Fort Wayne, ID
OR
Dear Whitney,
Don't you hate LC? I mean, she's prettier than you and at least she can walk without falling. You're not Beyonce, sugar. Also, are you jealous of your sister because she's everything you'll never be? Interns forever!
Take care,
You'll Never Be As Good in Boulder, CO
Here are some sample letters that SHOULD have made it to the marathon.
Dear Heidi,
So, my boyfriend totally gave me anal herpes and that's, like, so lame. They're itchy and I can't even wear a thong anymore without the whole world knowing. This is SO annoying! What should I do?
Loves,
Itchy in Pensacola
OR
Dear Lauren,
You're so pretty but I think you're kind of fat. Don't you think you should lose some weight so boys will like you more? Maybe that's why Heidi chose Spencer and not you, because he's skinny. Lauren, why are you so fat?
Yours truly,
Nicole Richie
OR
Dear Heidi,
I admire your new boobs and totally bleached out hair. It's so cute! Can you recommend a plastic surgeon in LA that won't give me fucked up boobs on a wonky stomach like Tara Reid?
Love,
Bigger is Better in Hollywood
OR
Dear Audrina,
What is wrong with your face? Why are you, like, so damn ugly? Maybe you should consult Heidi's surgeon and get a face transplant. There's probably some cute dead hookers in a dumpster at Teddy's.
Love,
A New Face in Fort Wayne, ID
OR
Dear Whitney,
Don't you hate LC? I mean, she's prettier than you and at least she can walk without falling. You're not Beyonce, sugar. Also, are you jealous of your sister because she's everything you'll never be? Interns forever!
Take care,
You'll Never Be As Good in Boulder, CO
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