San Diego

Well, my weave is now in San Diego and it's gorgeous! The sun is still shining, there's no humidity, and overall, it's very fabulous. I'll be in town until Sunday so for all you Southern California socialites, hit my shizzy up. Let's grab some bottles of Prosecco, find a private yacht, some 50 year old impotent richies, and work it!

Live Earth

Yesterday was quite a whirlwind day! I worked part of the day at Live Earth at Giants Stadium and it was celebrity HEAVEN backstage. Since we wrapped early, Ms. Karen and I plopped down in the talent lounge and began our star gazing. This even should have been renamed US Weekly Live. Who has time to think about recycling when you're watching Cameron Diaz flop around?

So here's the scoop on my sightings:

Leonardo DiCaprio: He was in tow with best butt boy Lucas Haas. Why are these two even friends? He has a giant face and head but is relatively tall and sported his usual baseball cap. I prefer him as Luke Bower in Growing Pains.

Petra Nemcova: She is stunning and GORGEOUS in person (Well, d'uh, I suppose...she is a model..). She has legs for days and seemed wonderfully sweet to everyone.

Kevin Bacon: He was like the rash that wouldn't go away! He hung out all day. He also has that creepy short on the side buzzed hair cut that he donned in The Woodsman. Very "How to Catch a Predator" chic.

Cameron Diaz: Gorgeous as usual. She was also sportin the short shorts and looked lovely. I was on the lookout for Cris Angel but he wasn't to be found.

Al Gore: Now I know politicians aren't "celebrities", but he was sure workin his shit like he was a rock star. However, I must say, homeboy needs to find himself a new stylist. He had some Tommy Bahama-type black short sleeved shirt on and some ill fitting Silver Tab style jeans. This isn't a luau, Al. Spit that apple out! In all seriousness, I very much admire what he's doing. I just think he needs a new stylist...and hairdresser...and nutritionist...and trainer...and plastic surgeon...and...

Chad Lowe: The extra formerly known as Mr. Hilary Swank was floating around in all his glory. What was he doing there? He has that innocent look but you know there are a few gerbils shoved up his ass. Squeaky!

Rosario Dawson: We love her! She is also stunningly beautiful in person. Too bad she only makes terrible movies. I watched her go out to "the people" (aka audience) to watch Bon Jovi. She was boozing it up, enough to make this Socialite proud.

Alec Baldwin: I can't even talk about this.

Zach Braff: Well, he's sure full of Jersey pride, isn't he? Not much to say on this one either.

Carson Daly: Manorexic chic. Eat (out) an Olsen!

Anne Curry: She was so chic! It was a bit like a grandmother wearing couture, but she was actually quite lovely. Work it, Curry!

Randy Jackson: Uhhh I think the staples fell out.

Friday never tasted so delicious

What a week! Working is really wearing down my weave and I look a hot mess, but bless the weekend...oh wait, I have to work all weekend. I'm going to look like La Lohan after a late night bender by Monday morning.

Last night, we had a gorgeous dinner at Otto to celebrate Ms. Nicola's gracious 29th year of existence. Holla at our bottles of Rose at dinner. Crisp and fabulous. Then Ms. Nicola and I zipped to Soho House for more adult beverages before we were caught in the rain at midnight. Considering my appearance of a wet Chinatown rat (very Lucy Liu chic), I thought it was time to click my heels and go home.

Working is for the birds

And yet another birthday today...Happy Birthday Ms. Nicola! Champagne wishes and over sized dildo dreams!

Yesterday was a patriotic situation as we all clamoured to celebrate this country's...independence? Who the hell really knows. It's just a reason to indulge and get hammered. We zipped down to Mr. Isaac's on Wall Street as he hosted a grand ol' soiree in his apartment and roof deck. I had a nice assortment of adult beverages varying from Woodchuck cider to wine to beer. My body was very confused by the lack of vodka consumption but it's all about rehabilitation, people. If Lindsay and Paris can do it, so can I. I have to be strong like those girls. They are my heroes, except when they're snorting blow off some random LA frat boy's penis. Then they become national treasures, icons even.

Unfortunately, unlike the ladies, I am at work today. Feel free to send me flowers and vibrators to get me through the day. Dental dams are fun to chew as well. Less calories than gum!

Happy 4th

Work that weave, Lady Liberty! Take that torch and ram it in your vajayjay!

Indeed, it's the 4th of July, an American tradition where fat Americans drink beer, eat hot dogs, and get even fatter. How grand. It's a stunner that I haven't fled the country for this day but my weave has been a busy one.

The weather is a bit dismal out and there's a chance of rain this evening so the fireworks may be a bust. I might need to cozy up with a Kathy Griffin D List situation for the day, put on a seaweed mask, and maybe to be patriotic, shove a (veggie) hot dog up my a-hole.

Birthday week continues

Happy Birthday to Ms. Marlene!

It's another gorgeous day here in NYC. The weather has been very Bay Area chic lately and I'm loving it. Get me a dildo, a lawn chair, a margarita, and leave me alone!

Did anyone happen to catch the Concert for Diana on VH1/NBC on Sunday? It was actually quite odd but the dichotomy of artists was a bit alarming. Going from Lily Allen to Tom Jones to Take That...schizophrenia called and I said "Huh?". My favorite moment was seeing Prince William get down to Nelly Furtado as she belted "Maneater" while Prince Harry got his hysterics on. Loves.

Happy Birthday La Lohan!

Happy birthday to the one and only Ms. Lindsay Lohan! You're 21, girlfriend! You can now legally drink. Oh wait, your malnourished ass already hit rehab. Well, get a hooker and stick it in...21 times!

I had a lovely evening last night with Ms. Kelly and Ms. Simone at Morandi, drinking my sorrows aways with glass after glass of Rose. Fill it up, garcon! And fill me up...oh wait... Then Ms. Kelly and I decided to have one more irresponsible adult beverage at 60 Thomspon before having a slumber party.