Whirlwinds are tiring

Well, in the past 48 hours, I've managed to go to LA and back and damn is my weave tired! I got to LA mid-afternoon on Tuesday (Thank goodness for the business class upgrade!), dropped off my baggage (physical, not emotional), and went straight to my version of my "LA office" a.k.a. the cafe at Fred Segal. I worked for a bit, then Ms. Liza and Mr. Dylan dropped by to say hello before their cross country drive/move back to MA. After a lovely coffee, I headed down to Barney's and did some roaring damage before heading down to the Avalon Hotel for some late afternoon / pre-dinner cocktails with Ms. Pauline. Holla at my Rose wine!

After some weave refreshers, I met Ms. Jessica and Ms. Mindy at Koi and we had an absolutely delicious dinner. I also spotted my occasional dining partner and friend to blow Calum Best (sans Promises alum Lindsay) with a mysterious blond girl and some LA douchebag looking guy. The table next to us was a bloated Dennis Haskins aka Mr. Belding who's so hot on the LA scene right now (Who the hell knows why?). If he shows up at Les Deux, I'll pee laughing. As we were wrapping up with dinner (Holla at my 5 mochi balls!), Terrence Howard and a gaggle of ladies turned up. All in all, the celeb sightings were D-list...just the way I like them!

I had a grueling shoot all day Wednesday then had some time before getting back to the airport so I took a spin through the Beverly Center then had a gorgeous dinner on the patio at the Four Seasons. What a cast of characters at that spot. There were your usual LA douchebag guys talking way to loud about something entertainment industry related hoping that someone sitting around them will care, some nasty looking golddiggers bobbing on the limp dicks of rich 80 year olds, and the socialite set that has nothing better to do than drink and dine (Hi friends!).

And now I'm back in NY and it's sweltering and my weave is not happy.

Manic Mondays

Ahh the glorious pleasures of not working on a holiday Monday and spending an entire day boozing and shopping. Yes, that's right, people. I met Ms. Nicola for a scrumptious brunch at Soho House (we recommend the Artichoke, Spinach, and Roquefort salad and ask for some fingerling potatoes) before Ms. Stefanie and Mr. Kansas came to join us to "talk business". A few drinks later and Ms. Nicola and I decided to brave the "this is not cute" heat and shop through the West Village and Soho. Many cocktails, frozen yogurt, and afternoon snacks were consumed along the way and now I'm home fixin my humid ass weave before flying to LA tomorrow. I desperately miss my friend Fred Segal and need to shove a dildo in his ass and yell "Holla"! See you on the West Coast, my fellow socialites!

Long weekends are, like, awesome

Hallelujah! It's a long weekend and I don't have to work. What a delicious treat. I rarely spend Memorial Day weekend stateside but I will fully admit, NYC is amazing when it's empty. No lines at restaurants, bars have seating...loves it! I hope all you peeps are having a nice LONG weekend as well. Have a glass of Rose and stick a dildo in your ass!

American Loser

Well, as they say, it ain't over until the fat lady sings...and she indeed did! Ms. Piggy, erm, Ms. Jordin Sparks won the whole dog and pony show and was crowned the youngest American Idol. Little butt boy Blake was so "happy" for her, but he was genuinely only interested in going backstage and mounting Ms. Chris Richardson, who came back along with some of the other voted off peeps. Use a condom!

Let's chat about Ms. Bette Midler for a moment. Now I've got to love her because we're all the wind beneath each other's wings (Isn't that really just a quief?) but exactly how much plastic surgery has Ms. Bathhouse Betty had? Her face was tighter than one of R. Kelly's girlfriend's vajayjays! Botox? Check! Face Lift? Check! Ass fat implanted into her cheeks? Check!

And what about Ms. Kelly Clarkson? After appearing to be a patient on TLC's Brookhaven Obesity Clinic a few weeks ago in that gorgeous, erm, muu muu, she came back in a strappy number to proclaim, "No, America! I'm only bottom heavy...but my back is fat free!"

The highlight of the evening was clearly my girl, Ms. Melinda Doolittle. Her gospel renditions were delicious and the girls' group singalong with Ms. Gladys Knight was gorgeous. Take me on that Midnight Train, honey! Although Ms. Gladys might be sharing a plastic surgeon with Ms. Bette...

My head feels like a ballerina

As a drunken socialite, I always forget the golden rule. It's a lesson I've learned time and again. No dinner plus open bar equals a wack ass weave...and that's the shit I'm sporting today - I be lookin a hot mess, baby.

Last night, I attended a fabulous event to support an organization that provides treatment to breast cancer patients with no insurance. Like most events in NYC of this nature, no one had a clue why they were there but we all certainly knew there was open bar and gift bags. Big ups to Mr. Mikey for hookin the peeps up and introducing us to Jojo and Mya. What sweet ladies! Mya's performance was delicious as well. So were my four Blueberry Stoli's on the rocks! Also a big hello to Mr. Richie Rich - You are fab!

Then we zipped over to Retox but apparently were "early" when we were already 30 minutes late, so we swung over to Brite Bar for a few glasses of wine before heading back to Retox to dance the night away. Mr. Vinnie sure can throw a party and Fat Man Scoop DJ'ed some lovely tunes.

THEN, this drunken socialite zipped down to 14th Street for Richie's Happy Endings party at Lotus. More drinks but my weave was very sleepy so I had to get my situation home. Face down on the couch and good night!

Pardon Me While I Blog

Profuse apologies for not have been an active blogger the past few days! I had a strenuous 2 day shoot that took me to many apartments around the city, and damn is my weave tired!

The weekend was lovely (well, the one day that I had of it). Saturday, I went to a "last day of freedom" party for Ms. Rebecca (very Paris chic) at Jimmy's No. 43. It had an intense Euro flair, which certainly got me excited. Like a responsible lady, I went home promptly after, glanced at SNL, and was face down before you could say, "Face down".

Tonight, I am attending a breast cancer benefit with Mya and Jojo, then hitting Mr. Vinnie's birthday soiree. Happy Birthday Vinnie!

Details to come...hopes and wishes that I'll be face down soon...

Friday never looked so good

This week is finally over. Someone console me with a butter knife in the ass, please. Churn, baby, churn! What a week! My life as a socialite is really being effected by this so-called "working". I need to stop.

Last night, I had some delicious adult beverages with Ms. Karen at the Hotel on Rivington. It was lovely to catch up one on one before we headed to The Back Room for Ms. Maitee's "Moving to LA" party. I hope my "Moving to LA" party will be as much fun when I flee NYC! Many cocktails later, I was whisked home in a cab and face down before I knew it (Get your minds out of the gutter, people...).

I just had the pleasure of watching the first episode of My Life on the D List, Season 3. It's hysterical! I am just so grateful that the afterparty of the Carnegie Hall that I attended did not make it to air. I, like a massive tool, took a photo with Ms. Kathy and would be mortified if I saw myself on air looking like such a douchebag!

Check out the episode here: http://video.bravotv.com/player/?id=103294

American Loser

Ummm WHAT?!?!?! What in the heezy fo skeezy is going on in this fucked up country? First, we fuck up the Presidential race, and now THIS?! How could my delicious Melinda been voted off? I am furious. Every damn person knew she was going to win, and then she gets dumped and we get left with some gay streak beat boxer and some "Never says no to dessert" loser?

My theory is that everyone ASSUMED Melinda would land in the finals and eventually win, so no one bothered to vote for her and tossed their votes to those two societal rejects. What a mess. Well, clearly whomever "wins" now will have the success of...Taylor Hicks? Who?

I'll be looking for a hot album from Ms. Doolittle soon! Chart top it, girl!

And let's also discuss...bad hair. First of all, what happen to Elliot Yamin? Buttahface went from ugly to uglier! They had to grow out that weave and cover up his face, and now he just looks ridiculous! Justin Guarini called and said, "No, girl". I mean, come on...he looks like a hot mess! Doesn't he remind you of Dustin Diamond...aka Screech Powers???!?!

And you know I love me some Adam Levine, but did someone have an accident with the Flowbee? His weave looked horrendous! Short on the sides, long and luscious on the top? Looks ridiculous. I am never watching this show again (well, maybe next season...Who the fuck am I kidding?!). Jordin can stick her fat fingers in Blake's loose ass for all I care.

American Idol

It's all about threesomes this week...Three finalists, three songs, and three fingers in my ass! Why are they drawing this situation out another week? We all know my Melinda is about to win and get neck enhancement surgery! Love you! xoxo

JUDGE'S CHOICE

Jordin Sparks: Twinkie lover sang Simon's choice "Wishing on a Star". I personally prefer The Cover Girls' version. Remember them? Now, THEY were fabulous. This performance was basically a karaoke debacle. It wasn't terrible, but I'd be happier giving myself a bikini wax with Elmer's Glue and a toothpick.

Blake Lewis: Chris Richardson's butt buddy sang Paula's choice "Roxanne". Cute earrings, you mo! Maybe you should consider hoops! Just borrow Chris' cock rings! Somebody pinch my nipples and call me Nancy because for the first time in what feels like an eternity, this closet case didn't beat box! Hallelujah! He actually sounded tolerable for once but ho to the hum...it was more or less boring. Pack your butt plugs, little lady! You're going home tomorrow!!

Melinda Doolittle: My love sang Randy's choice "I Believe In You and Me". Work that weave! She was incredible! As Randy kept saying, "She blew it out the box". Um, I've never blown any sort of box, but I assume that's a compliment! She is SO winning next week! I am so excited!

PRODUCER'S CHOICE

Jordin Sparks: This mess sang Donna Summers' "She Works Hard for the Money". Did anyone notice her nasty hooker platforms? Maybe she should work just a little bit harder to afford some better shoes! Yet another mediocre performance from this mediocre singer. So boring! No star quality here, people. Isn't she starting to look a bit like a drag queen? She should be called Peppermint Fatty!

Blake Lewis: Half pint sang Maroon 5's "This Love". People in Murray Hill probably can't stop fingering themselves with this song selection. Frat boys love this song! I bet it's blasting at Joshua Tree right now! Grab your tube tops and let's go! Oh mother fucker, here she goes again with the beat boxing. Enough Blake! I'm done. Kick him off already.

Melinda Doolittle: This year's American Idol sang Ike and Tina Turner's "Nutbush City Limits". Now where exactly is nutbush? I don't think I've ever seen a nut in any sort of bush. Insert your own joke here. Oh honey, my panties are wet! This was a show winning performance! How amazing! Give her the crown and a neck brace!

CONTESTANT'S CHOICE

Jordin Sparks: This crack head's baby sang "I Who Have Nothing". Leave it to Shirley Bassey, girl! Safe choice...like a Halloween mask! It wasn't that terrible but she's no winner!

Blake Lewis: Gay Is the Way sang Robin Thicke's "When I Get You Alone". If you get me alone, clean my apartment and stop humping my leg! He's like a little chihuahua, isn't he? This performance was fine, my panties are dry, whatever. I wasn't moved...and neither were my bowels.

Melinda Doolittle: She sang "I'm a Woman". Now this make me do the DOO! She worked it, again! What a jaw dropping performance! Imagine that you just saw the Angelina and Brad sex tape (Girl, you know there must be one SOMEWHERE). Yes, your jaw hit the floor? That's how amazing my Melly Doo Doo is! Let's vote and reward the clear winner! Call!! 1-866-IDOLS-03 or 1-866-IDOL-06 or 1-866-IDOL-09

New York Rule

Yesterday afternoon, Ms. Jessica and I had quite the time at the aforementioned chili cook off. Nothing like a lovely afternoon with booze in hand and sitting on a roof deck while Texans and Eurotrash mill around us. Outdoor drinking really is just delicious! With the imminent rain, I went home, rested my weave, and called it a night. This ho does not go out in inclement weather. That's ridiculous.

Today, I met back up with Ms. Jessica and Ms. Nicola for a nice stroll through Soho. Quickly, the conversation turned to anal beads and horrified mothers from Connecticut within an earshot of our conversation fled with their children. Now pull them out slowly... We ended up at 60 Thompson for some more lovely outdoor drinking and appetizers at Kittichai before we decided that since we were so fabulous, we should have dinner at Da Silvano. As we were downing some Prosecco and delicious snacks, none other than Ms. Lindsay Lohan and her latest walking dildo, Callum Best, strolled in with a few frumpy friends! Yes, she's back from the Bahamas and at her favorite restaurant where I've spotted her before. Here's the scoop, people. To my great surprise, she actually ate this time! Clearly, she wasn't celebrating the flop of Georgia Rule but homegirl was puttin the food back like my apple bottom at a buffet. Soup's on! Also, rehab is definitely over. Let's just say she wasn't tossing back glasses of...water. La Lohan plus one came out for a ciggie at one point where the paparazzi snapped a few photos of her, and 25 minutes later, Mr. Callum rolled out for a cig as well. I love smokers...especially when they are putting on a show for us! Who needs to see Georgia Rule when I can watch it unfold right in front of our eyes! Screw you, Jane Fonda!

Le Weekend is so cute

Indeed, it is Saturday and my weave is rejoicing! No work, no talk of work, no sight of co-workers...my weave is relaxed and free flowing. Holla!

Last night, I zipped myself to Midtown for Mr. Brian's "I quit MTV" party which was quite a delight. I even found myself drinking a Coors Light. No more foreign beers for this gal! Afterwards, Ms. Mindy, Ms. Jessica, and I cabbed down to Otto for some fabulous Italian fare. Nothing like some triple goat cream to spice up your evening. Smooth, white and creamy...loves it - the cheese, I mean. Two bottles of wine later, our conversation turned towards the elusive "fisting" topic and I knew that meant one thing...time to go home.

Today, I'm attending some sort of Texas chili cook off event. I don't really know what that means, but I do know it's $30 for all you can eat/drink for 5 hours so I'll holla at that lobster pot.

Thank Goodness It's Friday, honey

This week has finally come to an end. Hallelujah! These work weeks are breaking this camel's back and I need to sit for a minute. Whew! Last night was deliciously fun. Ms. Erika, Ms. LaToya, Mr. Dennis, and I had a tasty dinner at Le Jardin Bistro. We worked that French fare into a frenzy! Creamy and good (Um, I've heard that before...). Then we sauntered over to The Gallery Bar for Liz's birthday soiree...And what a fun time! Clearly a dance party broke out and the early 90's R&B (my favorite genre of music) was blaring. Any bar that can give me a double shot of Zhane deserves a long finger in the ass. Way to go! Well, at 2AM, I decided I needed to retire this weave and get my situation home.

Happy Birthday!

Three lovely zygotes made it to the world on this fabulous day so a big Happy Birthday goes out to Ms. Sheree, Ms. Liz, and Ms. Natalie! Work it, ladies!

What a shame

Really, America? My gorgeous and uber-talent LaKisha is the one you voted off? Shame on you! Did no one else notice that those butt cheeks Jordin and Blake were just producing a whole bunch of shit? Poop poop squirt squirt! Thank goodness my girl Melinda is still in it to win it!

American Idol

Ahhh another week, another wash up. From the gutters of Manchester, some "talent booker" went trolling and came up with Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees. Each contestant had the opportunity to sing two songs so there's a lot to get through...Let's begin...

Melinda Doolittle: Loveliness sang "Love You Inside Out". I will admit that I agree with the judges on this one. She had impeccably vocals, but the performance fell a bit flat. She needs to shove a dildo in her ass and dance around that stage. Give us some diva moves! Flail a hand in the air! Give me a Celine Dion wave! But don't worry Doo...I'm still with you, girl!

Blake Lewis: This boob in training tried to sing "You Should Be Dancin". What a ridiculous disaster. Enough with the beat boxing, you talentless closet case! And what's happening with the blond streak through your weave? Is that your gay streak? It ain't cute, Blake! Do me one big favor...Try to sing one song without any beatbox effects...You know it'll suck, don't you! Boo!

LaKisha Jones: Diva sang "Stayin Alive" and let me say...work that weave! Contrary to the judges' opinion, I thought she did an amazing job bringing some delicious soulful antics to an otherwise overdone song. I loved it! Put this shit on YouTube! I loved the leggings and top too!

Jordin Sparks: The fat lady sang "To Love Somebody". Well, you know it ain't over until the fat lady sings...and she did. I will admit that she worked it! Even though I have no desire for her to win or even make it past this week, this safe song choice was well done. Enjoy it while it lasts, dear!

Melinda Doolittle: For her second song, she sang "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?" Excuse me while I dry my shorts because girl, I shit myself when I heard how good she was! I did the Doo and ended up in doo and I love it! It was a spectacular performance and she really does bring back the delicious sentiment of the classic songbirds like Patti LaBelle and Anita Baker. I am trembling with excitement. Work that neck, honey!

Blake Lewis: Talentless hot mess did something atrocious to "This Is Where I Came In"? Even O-Town won't have him! What a gross mess this petite Pez Dispenser is. He sang a few more notes this time and proved why he only beat boxes. Tone deaf called and Blake stuck his dick in its ass. The novelty is done. Let's get rid of him.

LaKisha Jones: She sang "Run to Me" for her second song. My shiny girlfriend tried the best she could. Besides the last horse note, she worked it vocally! It was a bit bland, in terms of performance, I must admit. I wanted to see her fall on her knees (ahem, get your heads out of the gutter, you whores) and really work the shit out of the song like a diva should. I will say there's a small dab of pee in my shorts that I'm a touch afraid that she might get canned tomorrow night. Let's pray and vote, people.

Jordin Sparks: Weight Watchers failure sang "Woman in Love". All she's in love with are brownies and lard! This is a song that Melinda or LaKisha should have sang...They would have done the shit justice. Has anyone noticed that J. Spock is starting to look more and more like America Ferrera? Ugly Jordin! That's not a stretch! Just accurate! Boo! I hope she gets voted off this week. She's like a cold sore. It's unpleasant, big, and you just want it to go away so you don't have to see it anymore.

Working is for the birds

Another day, another hernia waiting to happen. I had yet another aggravating day at work yesterday, which was soften by a lunch at Koi and a bottle of Prosecco at the House post-work. Maybe that's the recipe for a delightful antidote to the daily labor we all must endure...expensive sushi plus Prosecco equals tolerance!

Nothing makes a man's nipples harder than the prospect of American Idol tonight so tweak that shit and let's get ready, shall we?

Sunday drinking is the best

On my way to the grocery store yesterday, I ran into the lovely Ms. Mindy and we decided to rendezvous on her rooftop for some delicious Sunday boozing. Ms. Jessica was fresh from Italy and had tasty tales of her vacation as well as scintillating details on a certain senator she had just interviewed with. A bottle of Prosecco, a few bottles of Hoegaarden, and some European eye candy later, we found ourselves in a cab on the way to Rosa Mexicana to celebrate a belated Cinco de Mayo. As we sauntered in, we spotted a haggard and shaggy hair Kyle McLaughlin, dining with an equally unattractive woman (and I use "woman" lightly here). The guacamole is truly superb and so were my grilled shrimp. Serve em up! Then we decided to stroll down to the W for one last drink before I passed out at an incredibly early 11:30AM!

Emo-rific!

Ms. Lisa and I zipped over to Giant's Stadium for the annual Bamboozle fest yesterday in the land down under aka New Jersey. We had the mispleasure of walking through the crowd of
"the people" while in search of our credentials. So many dirty 15 year olds making out and smoking cigarettes. Ahhh youth. Overall, we had a delicious time and even had a lovely side of the stage view for Muse's performance! Work it you Brits!

Last night, I had the most bizarre dream. All I can remember is that I was in some large drug store with some friends in a European country and suddenly, Katie Holmes approached me and said, "I heard you're an expert on hair care. What kind of conditioner should I use?" I proceeded to recommend my favorite Frederik Fekkai Glossing Conditioner (the olive oil gives your hair a lovely shine). I wonder what this means? Am I destined to become a hair stylist to Scientologists? Do I yearn for the days of Dawson's Creek? Am I mentally stable?

The Holiday

Last night, I shut the world out and watched the romantic comedy, "The Holiday". However, this is about as close to a romantic comedy as watching two 600 pound gay men butt fuck until morning. Not funny, nor romantic, just depressing and slippery when wet. It's actually quite a good film (except for Jack Black who I think is always terrible and ruins every movie) but be warned...don't watch this if you're semi-depressed or in a bad mood. This shit will push you off the ledge.

Well, the weather is glorious (very San Francisco chic) and Ms. Lisa and I are headed to, ahem, New Jersey in just a few hours for Bamboozle...more updates later!

I hope she drops the soap

How is this even possible? Ms. Paris Hilton is being sentenced to jail for up to 45 days? This is incredible. You know I love my Paris, but the thought of her in jail is amazing. Will she wear a cute orange jumpsuit? Will she eat from the mess hall? That's hot.

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/article/urn:newsml:tv.eonline.com:20070504:d77e24b85f92_4648_92c0_7ea6a97e7d18__ER:1;_ylt=Am_s6yZdfrsTZrR9IIIRG9H6o9EF

Please make me a wedding dress

I had a delicious dinner with Ms. Mercedes last night at Japonais. So much tuna that my mouth smelled like Britney Spears' panties...if she wore panties. We also had the distinct pleasure of being sat at the table next to Ms. Vera Wang and her crony of investors. This translated into superbly SLOW service for us! Damn Gina, don't you recognize a VIP when he sits on your face?

The proper send off

Well, goodbye to Gumbi-lookin Phil Stacey. His send off was actually pretty touching (only if you touched yourself) but we all knew bean pole was going home. Go spend some time with your ugly daughter!

And to no big surprise, Chris was given the boot too. But more interesting is how much of a 'mo he and pint sized Blake turned out to be. "I'd go home for you" they would squawk at each other. I think they meant to say "I'd go home with you" as they both clutched their travel size KY Warming Fluid in their pockets with a twinkle in their eyes and a knot in their rears. Just get it over with and stick that shit in!

I'm sad that the horrifying mess we've unfortunately been accustomed to, Jordin Farts, is still in this competition. She has about as much talent in singing as my explanation of the proper usage of a dental dam. She best be going home next week!

And that leaves my luscious ladies, Melinda and LaKisha. What a wonderful duo, like Superman and Robin, or my mouth and dairy products. Loves. Work it, ladies!

American Idol

Well, tonight's American Idol has come and gone so let's dish.

First of all, Bon Jovi? Now I know Ms. Karen loves her manz, but honestly, who is the talent booker on this show? Are they borderline schizophrenic? Did we enter a time warp? However, homegirl does have an amazing plastic surgeon, I reckon. A face full of Botox without looking like having a face full of Botox...Give me the number, please!

Phil Stacey: This tragic mess sang "Blaze of Glory". Has anyone else noticed that as the days go by, he's beginning to resemble a younger and thinner Boy George? And for his hat trick, he'll put DUI's out of his ass! I will give him some credit this week though...I thought his performance was fine. I know he won't win and we won't be speaking about him after tomorrow night, so let's give a golf clap to this mess. Afterall, PHILanthropy is very important.

Jordin Sparks: The wannabe Joss Stone sang "Living on a Prayer". Well, someone stuff an apple in her mouth because she is done! Now someone explain me this. If a contestant KNOWS they can't sing a song, shouldn't they pick another one to sing? Is that too logical? All the while, the bitch complains she can't hit half the notes and motors through them like a chainsaw in a virgin's ass. Big mistake! Pick another song, you talentless wench! Thank goodness two hags are going home tomorrow night...Get your buddy Phil and get packing! I bet you have a second suitcase for Control Tops!

LaKisha Jones: My angel sang "This Ain't a Love Song". Oh my good God...it was amazing! She wailed and belted all the delicious notes and left us viewers salivating like a frat boy between Tara Reid's legs. Soup's on! Get me a bib! I pray in my heart that the top two will be LaKisha and Melinda and somehow America will let these two gorgeous divas tie. Ahhh a young man can dream... Good job LaKisha! See you next week!

Blake Lewis: This "Just for Men" failure did something ridiculous (besides a horrible dye job...I mean seriously...was his hair aubergine?) to "You Give Love a Bad Name". Twist my nipples and call me baby, but isn't this a SINGING competition? I never thought I'd say this, but damn Justin Timberlake for giving hopeless white boys across the country the false impression that beatboxing makes you talented. I think enough preteen gals were lactating in their training bras (I know this is impossible...just go with it) for him to come back next week, but ick. What a loser! Boo! Sing something for once!

Chris Richardson: Friend of Mary Jane rambled through "Wanted Dead or Alive". You know, I have no major problem with him except for the fact that I find him boring. It's like eating at McDonalds. It's not particularly good and it's somewhat bad for you, but you wouldn't return it and say "No thanks". Chris is like a Big Whopper but without enough meat. Pork up, buddy!

Melinda Doolittle: My love sang "Have a Nice Day". And indeed I did! Excuse me while I do the Doo! You all know my immense love for this young lady and tonight she shined...and so did her neck! With some clever makeup and a low cut shirt, Ms. Melinda's neck came out to play! I love it! And let's talk about the singing. Oh my goodness...how absolutely amazing. She really can sing any note in any genre. Talk about versatility! Well done, dear! See you next week!

PS: Did anyone else think it was amusing that at the end of show, when Ryan said "Two people will be going home tomorrow night", they framed in on Phil and Jordin? Ha! Get ready to go home, you bitches!

Call me irresponsible

Last night was quite the event. Debauchery in a senior citizens' cruise ship kind of way. Can you make Ben gay with Bengay? He's on fire!

We headed down to Webster Hall for a private show with one lovely Canadian, Mr. Michael Buble. That's right! My precious peanut from the North (Let's call him Bubbles) was in town to promote his new album which incidentally comes out today. Go get your copies! So what was the crowd like, you ask? More canasta players than you can imagine. This show was basically a NSYNC concert for 65 year old dames. When Bubbles hit the stage, all the Golden Girls screamed at the top of their lungs, whooping and hollering to their heart's content! The scent of adult Depends, Sensodyne, and decaying flesh filled the air which combined, smells much like peppermint and bed pans, apparently. As we drank more and more and gawked at the crowd from the VIP (thanks Lisa!), I initiated some lewd comments after being inspired by Ms. Mjeema's frantic hand waving. Suddenly, I belted "Take off your pants" followed with a classy "Pull out your balls". That's right...we're keeping it real.

After the show, we sauntered down to Patsy's for a carbfest before I rolled home and passed out face down. Loves it.