The Hills

Who watched the season finale of The Hills last night?  It was about as interesting as Paris Hilton reading passages from Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth.  Actually, can you imagine how fabulous that would be?  Oprah would roll over in bed and accidentally squash Gayle in a fit of disgust and panic.  

To summarize the barely existent plot, Audrina becomes increasingly jealous of Lo and Lauren's friendship and it finally comes to climax in a big, explosive discussion filled with tears and drama. Well, that's probably what the script said, but in reality, it was a dull conversation with one singular tear drop streaming down Lauren's precious little face.  I'd sooner shove a porcupine in my ass and do the "Twist" than watch that scene again.  Per usual, the only redeeming factor was the love of my life, Ms. Lo.  She gets so bored of the plot line given to her that she generally carries on through an episode eating or watching a muted TV in the background behind the cameras.  When Lauren was "clearly upset', Lo proclaims, "Oh my God! You're upset!  What's wrong?" in the most fake tone and ridiculous intonation you've ever heard.  I would like to build a shrine to this gleaming light and pray to her daily.  

The Heidi - Spencer story line was so over the top Corky that I could barely stay awake to watch the entire thing.  Apparently, Heidi has her high power job (of taking notes while wearing hooker heels and some horrifying suit that looked fresh from Talbot's) in Las Vegas and Spencer gets SO jealous that he drags Stephanie there to confront her and bring her home. There's the scene where Brent is waiting for Heidi in the morning to go to meetings and surprise surprise, she doesn't show up because she leaving with Spencer.  Umm excuse me but did I suffer some serious amnesia or was THIS THE SAME STORY LINE AS SEASON ONE??? Lisa Love waiting for Lauren at the airport...Lauren doesn't show up because she's getting crabs from Jason...  Are they seriously recycling scripts from previous seasons for this hot tranny mess of a show? 

To top it off, I accidentally watched a few minutes of that dumb After Show, hosted by the 2 sickest cunts on the face of the planet, Jessi and Dan. Seriously, did someone find 2 used tampons, throw them against the wall, and wait for bits of uteran lining to fall off, resulting in these 2 missed abortions?  I just don't understand who in this country would find either of them acceptable.