The Hills Recap

Profuse apologies for not blogging about our favorite fake reality show earlier. This weave has been a busy one this week!

Really, I think this show needs to be renamed "Spencer's Eve". I mean, seriously, how douchey can one individual be? It's actually alarming that Justin Bobby even out-douches Spencer. How does "Justin Bobby's Eve" sound? Too many syllables. I know Audrina is a raging cripple (Doesn't she sometimes look like she's taken a few bat swings to the face?"), but how does she manage to date/kiss him? I'd sooner deep throat a cactus while ramming myself with a power drill than conceive of such horrendous activity.

The dinner/drinks situation with Lauren, Justin Bobby, and Audrina was priceless! How incredibly awkward and atrocious. I think we've all been there, third wheeling on someone else's bad date. Ugh. Also, when Justin had that ridiculous hoodie on INDOORS, I wanted to throw darts at his testicles. How annoying. Attention men of Los Angeles...sunglasses and hoodies belong OUTDOORS. Do not be a fucking moronic tool. Take the glasses and hoodie off. No one thinks it's acceptable. People are only laughing at you. Gross! And at the end of the episode, did they break up or not? Between the jibber jabber of those 2 retards, it's hard to tell. "Truth and time"? What is that even supposed to mean?

Let's also give big props to Ms. Heidi for workin that wall! Yes, the whole thing is as staged as Kim Kardashian's sex tape, but it's still heaven to watch. Spencer's dopey look was priceless when he walked in on Heidi painting over that tacky mess. Work it, sister!

Scenes for Next Week look amazing. Who knew Heidi was such a hillbilly? And it looks like Audrina finally gets ass banged by Justin Bobby one last time before she dumps him. Baited breath, my brothers and sisters.