The Hills Recap

What an episode! Not much happened, but there's a lot of smack talk to work.

Let's begin with the Heidi plot line. Who knew she was such a damn hick? Crested Butte? Do you mean Crusted Butt? Taking one look at her mother, girlfriend better stock up on the Botox and moisturizer now or else she's going to end up looking like an Indigo Girl who pan fried her face in a vat of ugly! Seriously, her parents are a walking ad for chemical peels. Good grief! I do want to give an extra special "woot woot" to Heidi's mom for laying the smack down on Spencer. Can you believe he acted like such a raging douche at the lunch? He is so grotesque and lame. I see this relationship having the success of Heidi's herpes treatment! Still ugly and not working!

Let's take a brief pause to talk about my soul mate, Lo. She is heaven, but that hat she wore at lunch was not. She often times makes some serial fashion faux pas' and this was no exception. I did have a revelation though that if we got married, she would have the most amazing name. For those of you who know me, think about it...

Onto the walking dartboard, Audrina. Get your shit together! Have you ever noticed her wonky eyes? Her pupils are off center and too high. It always looks like she's looking up. That must make for an interesting blow job face. I can't believe she is still with that tool Justin Bobby. He is seriously a raging moron. I loved his beach outfit of combat boots paired with 70's porn star shorts. What the fuck?! And when they were frolicking in the water, he was whipping his weave around like he was in a shampoo commercial. Gross!

At the end of the episode, leaving the helmet behind was classic. Audrina didn't know how to react (which is nothing new) and she looked flustered and sad. That was heaven! Thank goodness she's working it out and realizing it's time to move on to the next LA douche bag who will treat her like a used dental dam.

We need to end by talking about Brody's finger. Um, he broke it on the beach? Was he finger banging his own ass too hard? This is so ridiculous. Also, how exactly did he go to the hospital, get a full arm cast, AND x-rays all within the span of the same afternoon? I loved it when Lo and Lauren started to hysterically laugh upon his return. Gorgeous.