American Idol

Who watched Idol tonight? Wasn't it simply heaven? Thank goodness all the bullshit Beatles and lame-o songs have vanished and someone had the brilliant idea to have the songbirds cover Dolly Parton songs! Girl, you couldn't get more gay than if some Dolly tranny whipped it out on stage and sang a rendition to 9 to 5. HTM!

Just about everyone was sincerely delightful except for 2 toe up messes. I predict the talentless Ramiele is the one to be voted off this week. She is a midget mess and everything she does is horrifying. Perhaps the crowd who voted for JabbaWockeeZ is keeping her around but I think her time is done. Small People Big World! Later you naff cunt.

And speaking of busted up trolls, that horrendous Kristi Lee Cook has got to go. You know some dumb shit red states are voting for her because her sibling parents remind them that "they're not alone", but come on! Listening to her sing is like shoving your head up Roseanne's vajayjay and trying to make sense of it. I would sooner shove a beehive in my ass and pray for honey than listen to that hot mess. I suspect some honky tonk mother fuckers will vote for her and keep her around one more week, but you know she's got to go sooner or later.

Now let's talk about the stars of the show.

I know all of America loves Mo Mo and he'll probably win...and this week, he deserves it. Ms. Archuleta did a fine rendition, and why shouldn't he? Unless they do Cher covers next week, he can't top himself! (Oh girl, there's so many puns there...) After getting such rave reviews from the judges, he had the biggest look of relief on his face...probably because he doesn't have to go home and get butt nailed by his Poppa. Well done, girlfriend!

And let's talk about the magic that is Michael Johns! Wasn't his performance amazing?! Somebody send me Down Under...I am certainly impressed. I love that he readily admitted that he attended a Dolly Parton concert in 1986...gay gay gay! (I mean, seriously...have you seen his wife? How does one spell "b-e-a-r-d"?)

Jason Castro also worked his weave into a frenzy with his version of "Travelin Thru". Didn't it make you want to watch TransAmerica and hang with the trannies? What a wonderful voice this lad has. I'm actually quite happy that he's keeping his weave together but if he shaves that off before the finale, the ladies and mo's will flood this country with panty secretions. Juicy!

I don't always notice Carly, and at times, she's forgettable, but tonight, she worked it out. Her voice is deliciously rich and like a rented dildo in the ass, she certainly got my attention. Well done, honey!

The rest were fine, but completely forgettable. I am quite over Brooke and her "nice" manners and bullshit. You know that she goes home and works that meth pipe like a starving hooker and a meaty...burger. Daughtry butt plug David Cook is a real pain in the...well, ass. I just don't understand the faux rock situation. It's the equivalent of going to J. Crew and buying a shirt that says "I Rock". Sister Mary Fake! And finally, Syesha was fine and in fact, I quite enjoyed her cover of "I Will Always Love You" but there's really nothing special about her. Her voice is pretty, her face is pretty, but completely generic.