The Hills Recap

First of all, let me question this. Who edited this monstrosity of an episode this week? It was atrociously cut! I mean, we all know that this show is totally fake and "prompted", but some of the scenes lacked so much in the continuity department, that it barely made sense. That person should be forced to trim Spencer's ass hairs...with their teeth!

Let's start by talking about all the hanger on boys that leach onto Brody like crabs on Audrina's vajayjay. They are the epitome of why LA sometimes, and usually, sucks. There are these good-for-nothing douchebags that just sit around, call each other "dude" and "bro", wear backwards trucker hats, and wax their balls. It's so ridiculous. Don't you love that when Brody gets around Frankie, he's all of a sudden an East LA gang banger. You're not kidding anyone, homeslice. You wear SPF 50. Get a clue.

Speaking of fools, um...Audrina? Sweetheart, have you been accidentally using your dildo instead of a toothbrush to brush those veneers, and in turn, unintentionally punched a hole through your tiny alien shaped head? Please tell me you're not buying the horse shit that Justin Bobby is crapping into your mouth! It pains us to see someone so stupid get fucked over even more. I think your genetics screwed you enough. Drop the loser, honey!

Now you all know I love me some Lo (my future wife, just for namesake), but honey...eat a Zone bar and drop the pizza! You is a fattie and we is judgmental...so work it out...or better yet...work out! She's definitely the snide, "smart" character in this brood of whorehouse rejects. Sometimes, she gets this glare in her eyes when she's talking to Audrina that reads, "My oh my, what drugs did your mommy shoot when she was preggers with you, you dumb ass slut". It's heaven.

And the biggest news of the episode? Spencer and Brody break up! This display of "male emotion" is exactly why men shouldn't display emotion. Because it's pathetic and ridiculous! You've left the playground, fellas. The lameness ends at the edge of the sandbox. Just lick each other's assholes and make up!

Let's finish with Jen. Now exactly how much plastic surgery did Fugs get? I mean, it's sort of sad when someone gets that much surgery and looks even uglier than before, ain't it? I love that Heidi totally called her out on it as soon as she saw her. Jen is really a worthless human being and if she got hit by a car, someone would probably reward the driver with a purple heart.