Let's just start immediately with Derek and Jarett (Yes, spelled like THAT?!?). In the classic words of the ladies...W-T-F. They are such the epitome of Jersey boys gone wrong (Is that a double negative?!). They've got the crazy fake tans, the gelled up hair, the Jersey swagger...it reeks of Summer's Eve. Maybe it should be called Jersey's Eve. When your asshole is feeling a little grimey, just rub a little Derek in your pooper and you'll smell like the Turnpike! I can't even deal with them but their comedic presence is certainly appreciated. What if Derek and Justin Bobby become BFF's? I would finger myself in anticipation.
How much did you love Lauren's reactions to Derek's love pleas? It was heaven. I love when she becomes a Grade A cunt. It's the real her and it's delicious. I also love when her zits (see the workout scene) are all over her chin. At least I think they're pimples and not some gross herpes. Smack her face with it! Um, ew.
This whole Heidi gunning for the Director promotion at work is so incredibly fake that it pains me to watch. I'd rather give birth to a jar of pickles. Many jars of pickles. I'm having octoplets! Also, isn't Elodie one of the most wretched creatures to roam Los Angeles? She's such a filler character and they must have decided to cast a frumpy dump truck to make Heidi look "better". No one in the real world would hire Heidi for any job besides walking glory hole, and even then, she'd complain that this spit cum filleth over.
How ridiculously white are Audrina's teeth? Did she accidentally mistake a bottle of Clorox for a fire hydrant and deep throat it? So now she's proclaiming to be "just friends" with Justin Bobby? Oh please. Someone's having anal later!
And the return of our male Lohan...Jason! Well thank goodness someone decided to cut that weave but he still looks like a hot mess. Using facial hair to define a nonexistent jawline? Doesn't work, sweetie!
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